CHAPTER 30 (Part 1)

Talliah Eryn Castillego POV

I CRAVE happiness for years. I crave family for years. In a noisy place I feel like a child looking for family and love. Physically you will see me as a strong woman. But deep inside I'm so weak and wrecked. i've always craved for love, happiness and family.

I want someone to come home to on a tiring day. I want when I'm sad and hurt I have a family to lean on who is ready to listen to all the hurt in my chest. I want badly to feel loved by someone.

Once upon a time I have a loving family. I have my Superman and my Wonder woman who always protect me in everything. They treated me as their precious gem that needs to be loved and protected.

But my once happy family gone in just a snap. All things happened so fast. from my father's death and to my mother's mental health. I just can't take it all in. It's just like a bad dream for me. That maybe if I wake up my family is still here beside me.

But I'm just fooling myself. Because not everything is a dream. you have to wake up to the reality that your family was taken from you early by fate.

"Congratulations Miss Castillego you're three weeks pregnant!" Doctor's energetic announcement caused my heart to jump with joy.

I felt my tears pooling in the corner of my eyes. my heart started beating so fast while looking at the PT. There are two lines here which means I am pregnant. Shaking, I held the PT with my left hand while I stroked my stomach with my right hand.

I bit my lower lip when my tears started falling down to my cheeks making them wet. Oh my God! I'm pregnant again... There's another angel inside my tummy.

"Why so unfair. You're so pretty while crying." I blinked my eyes when I heard Doctor's voice.

She pouted her lips while looking at me. I quickly wiped my tears because I suddenly felt ashamed. I forgot that I was in the room with someone and that I was in the hospital.

"I bet you're the happiest person right now." Doctor said while staring at him with soft eyes.

I nodded and smiled sweetly. She's right I think I am the happiest person right now. I can't describe the feelings inside my heart. My heart is so happy that I want to cry all day.

"You deserve that angel hija. you deserve the happiness you're feeling right now. Be happy 'cause you really deserve that."

I suddenly stood up from my seat and hugged Doctor tightly. I cried while hugging her.

"Thank you..." I muttered while sobbing.

She hushed me while caressing my back. I didn't feel any shame in my body while hugging Doctor, I just wanted to cry because I was so happy. I can't wait to see my new baby. Even though he's not yet full, he's in my belly but I want to hold his hand and make him feel how much I love him.

I'm so sure that Tallan and Caelliah would be so happy knowing this. I hope Rainer would be happy too. This is my dream to have my own family. A family I can call mine.

In my thirty two years of existence in this fucked up world. i've realized that it's okay to not have friends as long as you have a family. Because the family is the person who will accept you completely. Family should be treasured forever.

***

I SAW myself standing in a building where I never thought I would go. But I still chose to go. I want to continue living with Rainer and my children. I wanted to let this anger inside my chest out for myself and for the better.

I want to release this anger. I have accumulated this anger over the past few years because I know that when I face the person who caused the loss of my family I will do something that I will regret.

I licked my dry lips and combed my hair softly before walking inside. I remained my emotionless face while walking. Some Police Officers gave me a smile but I didn't smile back.

I tried to remain serious and strong even if I'm hurting inside. How could she do that? How could she kill the person she loves for her sake? Is she that crazy?

I fisted my right hand suddenly when I saw a man sitting uncomfortably on his chair. He was stunned as if he was facing a big problem. His manly figure doesn't suit himself here.

I immediately wiped away a tear that fell from my eye. I don't want to let him see that I am this vulnerable. I don't want others to see my weak side. If I want to see something in my weak self. I want only Rainer to see me.

I cleared my throat making the person in front of me come back from his reverie. shock is so visible on his face after he saw me. I raised an eyebrow at him causing him to look away. I know I shouldn't be mad at him but a part of me is angry and sad. I'm sad because he's the son of the person I hated the most. I'm angry because I can't be mad at him. because I know he doesn't know anything about what his Mother is doing.

"H-how are you?" He asked me with so much concern in his voice.

"Where is that evil?" I asked him instead of answering his question.

He massaged the bridge of his nose and sighed harshly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know." he pleadingly said while looking at me.

Why is he saying sorry? He was not the reason why my family was destroyed. He wasn't the reason why I suffered before. He was not the reason why I lived alone. He wasn't the reason why I'm hurting now. Maybe he's saying sorry for the sake of his mother.

I laughed a bit without humor.

"I don't want to hear your sorry. I want to hear her sorry. I want to hear the sorry word from her mouth." I emphasize what I said.

He took a deep breath and pressed something on his cell phone. His eyes stared at me talking after putting down the cellphone. Not long after, I saw two policemen holding a woman by the arm.

My fake smile immediately vanished as I saw her face. Am I bad if I wish her to disappear? Am I bad if I want her gone? I probably want her to die.

Our eyes met causing her eyes to suddenly widen. Her face immediately went pale. Her lips trembled while her tears started falling. I don't feel anything towards her. all I can feel is hatred towards her.

Spence immediately stood up from his chair and walked in the direction where his Mother was. He spoke to the police before they left. Spence hushed her mother when her cries got louder.

Instead of feeling pity towards her I cringe when she cries. How can she cry like that when she's the reason why I'm hurting for the past years.

Spirra Ximenez mother of Spence Ximenez is the reason why my father died. She's the reason behind all of it. I don't know what's gotten into her. my family is so close with their family and I can't accept the fact that all along she's the reason why my family got broken. She's the reason why my Mom lost herself.

How can she be so evil...

"Spence... What is she doing her? I don't want to see her. I hate her face Spence. she reminded me of her father so bad. It hurts." Spirra cried badly.

I looked at her with my cold eyes. Why was she able to shoot Daddy? What is her reason?

"Mom you need to talk to her. You need to say sorry for what you've done to her family." Spence muttered while looking at her Mom.

Her mom's eyes immediately widened. Horror crossed her face.

"What?! Why would I say sorry? He deserves to die after all! If he can't be owned by me, no one can own him!" he shouted at Spence like a madman and he looked at me angrily.

"You! Get the hell out. I don't want to see your sinful face!" She shouted making me flinch a bit.

I don't know why she's so angry at me. I don't know what my Dad did to her. But now I am hurt by what he says. I badly want to slap her face. I want to make him feel how painful it is to lose a family. How painful it is to lose a parent. I badly want to hurt her but when I think of Rainer and my children my plans immediately vanish.

I came here to find out why he did that thing. I want to know his reason to be clear. I want to hear her reasons so that I can finally move on.

With my shaking knees I was able to stand up straight. I want this done. I want to go home to my home.

I walk towards Spirra. Spence is holding her arms to put her in place. She shook her head many times while looking at me. Like my existence is an eye sore to her.

I stopped when we were only a few inches away. I looked at her face and I can say that even though the years have passed, her beauty has not diminished. When I was still a kid I admit that I admired her beauty.

Her face can lure anyone. But now I can't help but admire him.

"Why did you kill my f-father?" I asked almost in a whisper because something blocked my throat.

"All these years I thought it's just an accident. I thought maybe God has a plan that's why he took my Daddy away from me. But all along you took my Dad's life. My question is why?" my voice broke while looking at her.

Spirra rolled her eyes at me. She wiped her tears away.

"She should be mine... I am the one should be his wife. But your freaking mother came in the picture!" she angrily said at me that made my eyes widen.

What? Daddy should be her? don't tell me... Oh my God! So she really loves my father?

"I was the first one... I'm the one who's always there for him. I am the one who's with him when we're still kids. My young self love him first. But... when your mother came, everything changed.do you know that feeling when you loved him too much because you were sure he was the one for you but suddenly he changed because something new came to his eyes." She cried while talking.

"He said he loved me. He said it was just me... My heart hoped because I loved him. I feel his love so much that I hope for everything. We dreamed together and flew. But in the middle of our flight, he suddenly left me alone. He injured one of my wings so it was difficult to fly until I couldn't catch up with him anymore." Her lips trembled as she continued to speak.

It was as if my heart was destroyed because of the words coming out of his mouth. I can feel the pain she felt while listening to her.

"Even though it was hard to chase him, I didn't lose hope. I said to myself that maybe he has a reason. He should have reasons. And whatever reason he has, I will accept it. Because I loved him. But you know what's funny I tried to heal my one wing just to fly high again so that I can catch up with him and we will fly together again. But I'm too late..."

"Because I saw him happy. But I wasn't with him. I hoped because I felt it. I'm not assuming things because I can feel it and he made me feel it. But he chose to break my heart instead."

"You don't know my whole story. You don't know what I've been through. You don't know every single piece of information in my life. You know nothing Castillego. Just like your damn father you know nothing what I 'm feeling. I know my soul is in hell right now. but I didn't regret what I've done to your father." She spatted flatly. Spence looked at me and shook his head.

My blood immediately boiled at her words. I would have felt sorry for him because Spirra was really a devil. Her mouth immediately parted and eyes widened like a tarsier when my palm landed on her left cheek smoothly.

"Because of you I lost my family... I lost myself. You're so evil!" I shouted at her face.

I couldn't stop myself from being angry with him. Yes, I knew he was going through something. but that's not enough reason for him to kill my Daddy!

I thought if I could hear her reason I would try to forgive her but I guess I'm not a saint and I'm not God to forgive easily.

I'll forgive those people who are worth it for my forgiveness. But I don't think I can forgive Spirra. she doesn't deserve my forgiveness. Even if my body is in the pit, I will never forgive him.

"May your soul live happily in hell." I muttered and walked away immediately.

My tears quickly fell as I entered the car. With my shaking hands I find the water bottle. I can't breathe. My head is spinning. Spirra words stab my chest like a knife.

I quickly gulped down the water and simply threw the water bottle on the passenger seat. I clutched my chest when it ached badly. Daddy didn't deserve to die. He also just loved. he loved Mommy.

Memories from the past flashed inside my head. I saw how my Daddy looked at my Mom like she's the most beautiful woman in his eyes. I know Daddy loves my Mom so much 'cause that's how I looked at Rainer every damn time.

I know that my Dad is deeply in love with my Mom. I don't even know if Spirra is telling the truth. She's not even sorry for what she's done. She's not even sorry for killing my Dad! She's so fucking evil!

Maybe I can accept Dad's death if the reason for his disappearance was a real accident. But it's not.. Someone took his life away from us.

I can't explain my feelings right now. I want to scream and hurt people but I worry about my condition. I'm pregnant and I shouldn't act so recklessly.

Why is it so hard to understand everything? I thought I accepted it? how can I free Dad completely if I myself cannot accept that the person who caused his death is still breathing.

The pain and heartache because of my father's death will always be embedded in my heart. But I will try to finally move on and be happy. Spirra is in jail now but I don't think she deserves to be there.

Maybe if I'm still the Talliah Eryn Castillego before Rainer came into my life. If I didn't have a family to protect when I found out that Spirra killed my Daddy. Maybe I killed him because of my anger. but it's different now I don't want to hurt other people because of my family. I want to be a good Momma to my children and I want to be a woman who deserves the love of Rainer.