THIRTY-FOURTH TRIP

“Are you really okay? I told you, you can tell me anything,” Jaxon approaches me again as I silently stare at my table.

I didn’t look at him, instead, I turned my gaze to the text message I had received from Levi.

Levi

Are you busy? I miss you

I was turned on and just ignored it even though I really wanted to reply to him because I miss him so much. My mood swings and cravings are worsening. Last week I checked up and my OB told me that I was 6 weeks pregnant. I still can't tell him everything that's happening to me because I don't know if I should tell him.

"Rae, what's up? Do you want to eat? I’ll treat you anything you want,” I heard Jaxon say again so I looked at him lazily.

"Anything?"

“Yes, Rae, anything. Let’s go,” he said softly to me and waited for me to get up.

I reluctantly stood up and followed their working office show. We went to the mall because I requested seaweed soup. The Korean restaurant that I always buy from is in that mall.

Right when we arrived at the restaurant and were currently eating, Levi called me via facetime. I didn't do anything so I answered immediately. I even looked at Jaxon who was just quietly eating and just nodded at me.

"Hi!"

His face immediately flashed at me when I answered that. I almost cried when I saw the whole of him because I missed him. I don’t understand why, but I miss him so damn much! It was as if I was slowly losing my temper with him for lying.

"I'm sorry, I'm eating," I told him. I even rolled my eyes a little because my tears were already welling up there.

I’m starting to wonder, why he lied to me last week. I'm just waiting for him to tell me the truth but so far he still doesn't.

“Where are you? Are you okay? You look sick, baby,” he asked me one after another. He may look very worried.

I tried to smile at him but it didn’t reach my eyes. I want to tell him how I feel and about my condition but my annoyance with him prevails.

“I’m fine, Lev. You? When are you coming home? I have something to tell you." I couldn’t stop the help of my voice.

Levi furrowed his forehead and stood up from where he is right now. His naked body was exposed in front of my face and he was only wearing pants. His hair is also messy. As far as I could see it was in his hut and alone there. I wonder where Marichu is.

"What is it, baby?" he asked softly in his hoarse voice. It lit a cigarette so my forehead furrowed.

“Stop smoking, Levi. I already told you that many times,” I scolded him as he quickly turned his gaze to the screen. I feel like it's penetrating me.

“I’m just tired. Please, don’t be mad. I’m sorry...” he gently said to me and immediately threw the cigarette.

I almost let go of the spoon I was holding and let out a violent sigh.

"You haven't answered my question yet," I told him, suppressing the irritation in my voice.

“I’m planning to go back there next we—”

“Why next week? I thought everything is settled there. Are you taking care of anything else there? ” I asked him, cutting him off which made him wonder.

I bit my lower lip because of those ‘questions’ that I couldn’t control. I saw Jaxon in my peripheral vision, staring at me intently. His expression hardened.

“Tell me, Levi, why did you lie to me when I asked you who was with you there?” I asked him another question.

I saw he was stunned. Terror overtook his expression while he’s clenching his jaw. It's like being caught fooling around or something. I waited a few more minutes for his answer but he didn't answer so I got up to go to the CR.

"Is that why you can't go home right away when in fact, you told me that everything was fucking fine there," I said firmly again, I couldn't even calm myself down because he still didn't answer me.

“Lumiere, calm down. Fuck! I’m sorry for not telling you immediately. I'm still waiting for Dad Henry to get out of the hospital, that's all. I have no other reason yet. I’m sorry, darling,” he frustratedly said to me while staring at me intently.

I didn't notice what he said because of the sudden upset in my stomach. When I got to the CR, I quickly entered the cubicle and vomited there. I didn’t even turn off the call and just laid my cell phone on the side there. I can even hear him calling my name.

Fuck this sickness!

When I finished, I washed my face quickly and then I just remembered Levi. Shit, Rae! He fucking heard everything!

“I... I’m sorry. I was just-"

"What's happening? You alright? Why are you sick? Are you still sick? Oh god, talk to me, Lumiere,” he hysterically told me. I see him walking back and forth to where he is now.

I just leaned against the wall of the CR and then sighed violently.

"I'm fine, Lev. It’s just a fatigued and...” I paused and looked at him on the screen. He is dressed now.

“Please, come back here. I miss you so much. I don’t know why... I don’t want to overthink anymore. You're with Mari for fuck's sake! You didn't tell me she went there with you. I am mad! I'm angry but I miss you so much, Levi. I’m sorry for being such a needy girlfriend,” I told him and cried.

I just covered my face and repeatedly cursed because of how mixed I felt. I’m fucking tired of overthinking things. I don’t even know where else to place ‘em. Yerim and Rafa are both busy with their upcoming book signing. My mom is still mourning about Arthur and I am the only one she expects so I need to be strong, but I also need to cry. I feel like I’m choked on the situation.

“I... I’m sorry. I just can’t take it anymore. S-so much happened while you were away and I don’t know how to fucking endure it alone. I’m sorry... I just need you here with me but if you’re not allowed to—"

“I’m going home today. Wait for me, please. Stop crying, Lumiere. I love you. Wait for me,” he told me which made me cry even more.

Oh, Levi...

After that conversation we had with CR, I quickly went back to the table when I remembered Jaxon. I found him at our table waiting for me and even stood up when he saw me.

“Sorry, it took so long. Are you done eating? I'm really sorry, Jax,” I said shyly to him and sat down in front of him again.

He just smiled and reached up to his eyes so I was even more embarrassed.

“Stop apologizing, Rae. I’m done. So, what are you up to? Are you and Levi okay?” he asked me a serious question so I just stared at him.

“Did Mari and your cousin have a relationship for a long time? How long?” I couldn't help but ask him.

I saw for a moment that he was startled and averted his eyes from me.

“I shouldn't be the one you're asking that, Rae. I’m not really sure how long, honestly. All I know is that they almost escaped then. Levi loved Mari too much to the point that he can forget us just to be with her. They are about to get married,” he explained to me.

I gasped for air after I heard that. I look away from him and finished my food. I could feel the gradual tightening of my chest.

"Why did they split up?"

“Mari threw him away. She suddenly left my cousin because she said she couldn't afford to suffer. Levi almost killed himself because of her.”

That was the last thing Jaxon said about that matter. I didn’t ask anything to him anymore even though he still had something to say during those hours. I don’t want to hear it anymore. It doesn't matter to me now what he went through with that woman. What matters is that now especially our baby.

Jaxon drove me home and we went out to work together. When I got home, I found Yerim, Rafa, and Sebastian again. They are already eating dinner with mama who can clearly see the fun.

"I thought you were busy signing your book?" I asked the two of them when I sat down.

I could see Mom’s smile widen as she looked at me. I remember she didn’t even know about my condition and I’m planning to tell her soon enough. I'm sure she'll be happy when I say that.

“Eat, ma. Don't get too tired,” I told her and made her sit next to me, but she just shook her head.

“I’m done, Rae. Just eat,” she answered me softly and smiled.

“All right. Please rest. We will take care of it,” I ordered her and she just nodded.

When she entered the room, I then turned to the three and raised an eyebrow at them when I noticed they were silent.

"Am I not talking to anyone here?"

"Because your mom said it's forbidden to talk while eating," Yerim said with a shrug so I almost burst out laughing.

When we finished eating, they decided to sleep here again because they were very sad in their staff house. I no longer refused because I had already noticed their bags in the living room.

“Our book signing has been postponed. It's supposed to be at the same time as the company's annual event,” Rafa said lazily and leaned on Sebastian's shoulder who was busy choosing the movie we were going to watch.

I sat next to Yerim and lie on her lap.

"That's what they always do, isn't it?" I laughed and told them then turned to look at the TV.

“When is Levi coming home? He's been there for a long time, huh? You haven't told him yet?” I heard Yerim ask me so I immediately turned my gaze to her.

I smirked at her when I remembered what Levi said to me earlier. “He’s on his way tonight,” I told her and smiled at her endlessly.

Before she could react, my attention was turned to the sudden ringing of my cell phone. I picked it up and immediately looked at who was texting. I almost held my breath when I read that text from him.

Levi

Baby, I’m sorry. I can’t make it tonight. I took Mari to the hospital.

Great. Just great, Levi.