THIRTY-FIFTH TRIP

“He isn't really going home, Jax? What if I go there instead? Come with me,” I pleaded to him.

I even went to his cubicle. I just saw how he looks at me in disbelief.

“What? No,” he told me seriously.

The second time, my shoulder dropped because of what he said. I kept looking at him who was also staring at me.

“Stop insisting, Rae. I can’t let you travel alone just to see him. Are you out of your mind?” he added so I became even more hopeless.

I really want to see him. I need to. He even said no because he will go home immediately once Mari's parents get there. I can not do this anymore. I feel like I’m suffocating from this urge to see him. I don’t know if it was because of my pregnancy or what.

“But I’m fine, really. If you don't want to, then don't,” I finally told him and then left him there.

I even heard him call my name but I ignored it. Before I could reach my table, I could feel him grabbing my hand and violently facing him.

“If he wants to see you, anything or anyone else will be an obstacle, he will go home, Rae. You don’t have to go there anymore,” he told me emphatically.

I can already feel my chest tightening due to irritation. I don't know where it's coming from but I feel like I can go anywhere just to see him.

I brushed my hair violently and then closed my eyes.

“What happened to Mari? I told him that I really need him here because I don't know who else to tell how I feel! Why can't he follow me? Why is it always that woman? I want to see him! ” I blubbered.

I could feel my tears welling up as my heart seemed to be squeezing. I tried to calm myself down and stop myself from crying but I failed. I firmly wiped away my tears before turning away from him.

The idea that until now they were together, and I didn’t know what was going on was slowly destroying my sanity. I know, I have to trust him. I trust him! But why can't he give me what I want?

“Rae, please, calm down. I know how you feel—”

“You don’t know, Jax! My God, I just lost my younger brother and I am fucking... ” six weeks pregnant.

I stopped and averted my eyes from him. I stopped for a moment before finally entering the elevator and there wept and cried. Jaxon was still there. He doesn’t know what to do with me because I feel that way. He didn’t want me to obey him there because I knew what he was thinking, even Yerim and Rafa. They didn’t want to let go of me because of my condition, but this Jaxon, he didn’t want to because he knew I would only get hurt. Why would I be hurt? What's going on there now?

“Fine. I’ll take you to your house so you can get ready. I will go with you to Tierra Fima.”

When I heard that, I was immediately encouraged. I quickly wiped away my tears and looked at him.

"R-really?" I asked him stuttering.

I saw the hardness of his expression then averted his eyes from me. "Just stop crying."

That was the last thing he said before we went back to the working office to pick up my bag. He drove me to our house and wait for me outside. When I finished packing, I found mama in the living room holding Arthur's portrait while quietly crying.

I quickly attended to her and immediately rubbed her back causing her to look away from me. She just smiled at me sadly.

“She’s with dad,‘ ma. Don't worry anymore. And at least I’m still here, ‘isn’t it?” I gently said to her and hugged her.

“I just miss your sister, Rae. He's the only one I'm always with because you're busy with your work. I really miss him,” she told me with tears in her eyes.

I bit my lower lip when I saw how she cried silently again. I felt the gradual pain in my throat due to holding back the crying so I just hugged her again.

The two of us cried for a few more minutes there until I remembered Jaxon outside. I said goodbye to her and sent my cousin, the same as Arthur's age, to be with her. It's just our neighbors.

“Please rest, Mama. I'm leaving today but I'll be back tomorrow. Vivien is coming so you can have someone with you,” I said goodbye to her.

It just nodded slowly and hugged me again tightly to my surprise. As if there is something wrong with her.

“Take care, Rae. Eat well. Take care of yourself. I love you so much,” she said meaningfully to me and cried again so I was even more surprised.

I furrowed my forehead as I gave her a tight hug. I even kissed her on the cheek.

"I love you too. I will also be back tomorrow. It’s just really important.”

That was the last thing I said before I ran towards Jaxon’s car that the aura was still serious. I headed towards the passenger seat and put my seatbelt on.

"Yerim and Rafa want to see you," he said so I immediately looked at him.

"Did you tell them?" I immediately asked him.

I still don't want to tell them because I know they will only stop me.

“They should know, Rae. We’ll meet them at Sebastian’s coffee shop,”  he told me authoritatively and turned on the engine.

I just squinted to the side and never looked at him again. I feel like I regret that I even introduced him to my friends because they have the same mindset. I am always poor.

When we arrived at the coffee shop, I was immediately greeted by the angry expressions of the two. I know where this is going.

“What’s this, Rae? Are you losing your mind? What is wrong with you?” Rafa said loudly to me and stood up in her seat.

I looked for Jaxon's gaze to ask for help but I saw him at the counter, looking like he was ordering.

"Maybe you forgot..." Rafa paused and whispered curses. “You’re pregnant for goodness’ sake!” she whispered to me.

“I know—”

"Then why the hell are you doing this?"