39

After changing into a slightly longer, white beach dress, I walked out of the room and headed straight downstairs, where my muffins were about to get out of the oven.

Odran, Rian and Cathan sat at the table and didn't pay any attention to me, which I was right about. I'd rather take care of breakfast and coffee.

"And then what happened to your shoulder please?", I listened to Cathan from the side, which made me immediately feel my hands starting to tremble and I could hardly hold the coffee pot while I heard the shot fired at Odran again .

"Car accident. I wasn't wearing my seat belt," Odran replied to his father, who probably accepted this answer as well. I then carefully took three cups and padded slowly to the table to politely hand one to everyone.

"Keeva," Rian said suddenly and got up to put his arm around my waist and walk with me to the kitchen. "You do not have to do this."

"What do you mean?" I asked confused at his statement.

"You've been shaking since you walked into the living room," he whispered worriedly in my ear, brushing strands of my hair away from my face. "I want you to rest and wait until I'm done here."

"No," I said immediately, turning to the tray of muffins to move each one into a basket.

"No?!", he repeated me a little louder, so that I could practically feel that Cathan's and Odran's attention was now on us as well.

"You heard me! I can manage on my own! I need-"

Holding my breath, I suddenly watched as Rian slapped the muffin out of my hand and glared at me in utter anger.

"You can handle yourself?!" he yelled almost desperately and although he seemed to be shaking with anger, I wasn't afraid of him at all. I knew that my nightly lapses weighed on him. Knew of his fear that I could fall into a deep hole like Senan, but I had to go through it alone, which was completely incomprehensible to him.

"Rian," I breathed apologetically, gently cupping his cheeks in my hands, making him stare at me, panting. "Your father is here. Let's talk about it later."

I practically whispered these words to him and he ran his fingers through his hair. I was sorry to bother him with my trembling, but neither he nor I was to blame... Only Juri, who had brought me this trauma.

"Everything okay with you?", Odran asked, whom I glanced at, but he just looked at the muffin on the floor with a sad look...

I would like to have his worries!

"Yeah, everything okay," Rian said to him and turned to me again. "We talk about this later."

I nodded and watched him sit back down at the table and then continued with the rest of the muffins. When I finally had them all in the basket, I padded back to the table and put them right in front of Odran, who gave me a grateful look.

He was really easy to please.

"So tonight we'll catch up on dinner and this time without you both storming out of the restaurant like crazy people," Cathan explained to both of them, taking a muffin. He bit into it and judging by his expression it tasted pretty good to him too.

One family, one taste...

"But Keeva's coming," Rian interjected, the tone of his voice being the one for which no arguments were accepted, which his father didn't seem to give a damn about.

"Rian, only men," he replied and gave him a warning look, but Rian just shook his head unimpressed.

"Without my wife, without me and that's my last word!"

He finished his coffee and was about to get up when Cathan took a deep breath.

"This food is extremely important and I-"

"It's okay," I intervened and suddenly all three looked at me as if I were a Martian... Yes, I had simply interrupted Cathan, but that was nothing new to me. "I'll just stay here with Senan."

"Yes," Rian laughed contemptuously, letting his head fall back. "Because it always ends so well with you two."

Cathan looked back and forth between me and his son in complete confusion while I suddenly thought about what he must be thinking and my face flushed.

"How about we call John?" Odran looked questioningly at his brother, who turned his head back to me and then nodded in agreement.

"Why is John gone anyway? And where are those Russians you told me about? I haven't heard from Yuri either."

Cathan looked questioningly at all three and I felt my throat tighten just from his name. Rian immediately noticed what kind of chaos was breaking out in me and when I looked at him for help, he immediately got up and came close to me.

"I'll take Keeva upstairs. I'll be right back," he explained and carefully put his arm around my waist again to disappear upstairs with me.

"You really should talk about it. If not with me, then maybe with Senan or Odran," he said sympathetically when we got to our room and I immediately shook my head in disapproval.

"I can't talk about this," I breathed, then flopped sideways on the bed to avoid landing on the tattoo. "I just need time."

Rian looked at me and even though I knew he didn't believe me, he nodded and smiled sweetly.

"Okay," he gave me as an answer and covered me up before he handed me the remote control and just wanted to go back downstairs.

"Rian?" I stopped him and he turned around to ask me. "Yuri is dead and there's no reason why you shouldn't go to this important dinner."

The expression on his face gave me no clue as to what he thought of my words. He just nodded very slightly and then disappeared out the door.

I immediately closed my eyes and put my hands in front of my face because I wanted to scream and scream out loud.

Not because of him, but because of me!

I hated having nightmares and even more hated having tremors like this when everyone else seemed to be over it.

But I reminded her of everything. Rian the most, who constantly vacillated between worried and angry at everything and everyone.

If only I could forget!

****

After Rian had left the house with Odran in the evening, I felt increasingly uncomfortable.

I had also urged him to go to that dinner, but without his presence and without his nearness, I had a sinking feeling that something horrible was bound to happen. That's why I lay curled up in my blanket with Nero and watched a movie on TV, just to pass the time somehow...

It was already dark outside and when the whole room suddenly lit up, I jumped in shock and got up to look around in panic, which Nero immediately did the same.

"That can't be true," I whispered, rolling my eyes when I noticed that it was pouring rain outside and a thunderstorm was raging over us.

It was clear that even nature wanted to finish me off when Rian wasn't with me...

When it also thundered loudly, the television and the light suddenly went out, which really almost made me despair. Apparently the world wanted to prove to me that Rian and I needed to be together so nothing terrible would happen again.

Heart pounding, I carefully got out of bed and padded through the darkness while holding on to Nero with one hand, who led me safely to the door.

"You really are my light in the dark," I whispered to him gratefully, before opening the door and screaming out loud with huge eyes.

"Keeva!" Senan tried to calm me down and I clutched my heart in panic because with his fucking candle right under his face he looked like he was about to haunt me as a ghost.

"Are you crazy!?!?!" I squeaked almost out of breath and slapped his arm lightly. "You almost scared me to death!"

He looked guilty and hunched his shoulders slightly.

"Sorry, I don't like thunderstorms and wanted to see how you are."

Well, at least I wasn't the only scaredy-cat here.

"And what do we do now? All the power is out."

I looked at him questioningly and he nodded toward the stairs before walking down the hallway ahead of me. We went down the stairs together and I grabbed his shoulder because you could hardly see anything. His stupid candle didn't change that.

"We can play truth or dare," he said suddenly and I hit him lightly on the back of the head.

"Forget it," I replied seriously, still hearing his stupid laugh before another flash of lightning lit up the entire living room and I jumped onto his back in fear, for which he was by no means prepared.

"Keeva, you-"

Before he could finish we both fell forward onto the floor and then as we were lying on the wooden floor like two idiots we suddenly burst out laughing for no reason while I held onto my elbow which was slightly sore from the impact.

"Are you trying to kill me?" Senan laughed and now that the candle was out, you really couldn't see anything at all. Only the weak light of the moon gave a little view of the surroundings down here.

After a good laugh at ourselves, I turned my head towards him and gave him a serious look while we both lay on our backs and Nero curled up on the couch. He's probably had enough of us.

"Why are you afraid of thunderstorms?" I asked straight out and after he glanced at me and had straightened his light-colored t-shirt, he took a deep breath and seemed somehow overwhelmed.

"I'm not really scared. I just don't like it," he breathed and I suddenly felt him grab my hand in the darkness. I didn't know why, but I let our fingers intertwine, because this wasn't a romantic touch in any way. It felt more like he needed that closeness to feel better. "The night Mum died, there was also a thunderstorm."

After his words there was an oppressive silence and the quieter it became around us, the tighter he squeezed my hand, which was just another sign of how much it was still depressing him. I didn't know what to say, so I just gave him a sideways look until he turned his face to me and looked deep into my eyes.

"And why are you afraid?"

That was a good question, because actually I was never afraid of thunderstorms...

"I have a constant feeling that something terrible is going to happen, Senan. I'm almost overwhelmed by this fear and it seemed quite logical to me that it would happen if Rian wasn't with me... That thunderstorm came in handy."

"But it's just a feeling," he said and I turned my gaze back up to the ceiling. "I am sure that everything bad is behind us. We just have to learn to live with it."

I stared at the ceiling and let his words run through my head. He still hadn't gotten over her mother's death... How long would it take me to get over Yuri?

Besides, with us gypsies it was never just a feeling. There was something behind everything and that's exactly what scared me.

"I killed someone," I said out loud again, the words that had been repeating themselves in my head ever since that night, driving me insane. I immediately felt Senan squeeze my hand tightly, probably wanting to show me that he understood me.

Rian and Odran were different from us. They were laughing again. Got on with their lives and had no guilty conscience at all. I, on the other hand, constantly wondered whether Juri had children. If there were people who missed him and didn't even know that he was long dead.

"You did the right thing," Senan said into the silence, turning onto his side to stroke my arm with his hand. "And you don't need to get ready for it."

"But neither do you," I replied immediately, looking at him seriously. "After all, it was an accident with you."

He didn't look like he would agree with me, but he didn't say anything else either.

We just lay there for a while, each busy with his own chaos and still together. The lightning flashes briefly illuminated the entire living room and the rain pounded incessantly against the window front until I suddenly heard the noise of a car in front of the front door and got up together with Senan.

"They're back," I explained happily and ran to the front door to open it with a smile, which quickly disappeared when I was scared to death again. I looked straight into a huge bear's big brown eyes and if Rian hadn't appeared right behind him I might have just fallen backwards.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he said immediately, stepping in to hold out a giant teddy bear. "Now two strong men are watching over you at night," he smiled and, still slightly in shock, I accepted the teddy bear, which was almost my size, while Odran also entered the house soaking wet.

"I'm going to turn on the power again in the basement," he said to us and then turned to Senan. "Come with me so you know how to do it next time."

The two disappeared through a small door behind the stairs and I took a closer look at the bear. He kind of scared me with those huge beady eyes, but the gesture was way too cute for me not to find him cute too.

"Do you like it?" Rian asked, running his fingers through his wet black hair.

I nodded, noticing my tears in my eyes.

"Very much so," I replied, looking up at him. "I'm glad you're back."

He put on that smile I loved so much and took the teddy back to put his other hand on my back.

"Let's go upstairs."

RIAN'S POV.

Luckily, the next few days and nights went better. I don't know what she discussed with Senan, or if it was because of the kinda creepy teddy bear, but she slept more soundly and I finally got to enjoy hearing her sweet laughter more often during the day when we were spending time together at the beach or I wanted to teach her how to play golf properly again.

I really hoped that everything would turn out for the best now...

"Do you think you can make it to be mayor?" she asked me curiously, playing with her feet in the sand as she sat next to me and we looked out to sea.

"I hope so. I'll be notified tomorrow at noon," I replied, slightly nervous, leaning back in the sand to gently rub her back. She was only wearing a black bikini and looked just amazing.

"I have a feeling you'll be fine," she said, smiling back at me, then turned to sit straddling my hips. Within seconds she managed to bolster me, but Odran and Senan were in the water right in front of us and it was definitely the wrong timing.

So I had to pull myself together...

Then, as I let my eyes wander over her perfect breasts, I put my hands on her waist and looked at her intently.

"I hope so," I replied smiling and she immediately leaned down to kiss my lips gently.

It all seemed like a dream to me now, especially when we spent such carefree hours on the beach. Where previously nothing really mattered to me except gaining power and prestige, these things had suddenly become completely unimportant to me...

Instead of spending hours doing paperwork with my father, I would much rather spend my time with her and my brothers on the beach.

Instead of enjoying demonstrating my power to people like I used to, I wanted nothing more than to just be happy and content...

I felt changed. It was as if I had arrived. As if I had found something that I had never really been looking for and I was infinitely grateful for it.

"How about if I cook tomorrow night? Then we'll celebrate your arrival in politics together."

She rose a little and looked at me with her beautiful eyes questioningly, whereupon I nodded in satisfaction and immediately pulled her down to me to put my lips on hers again.

"Rian," she admonished softly into our kiss as she seemed to feel my hardness pressing against her core, but I just couldn't help it.

I got up carefully and turned to the side so that I gently laid her under me in the sand and placed myself between her legs, causing her to blush again and shyly look up at me.

How perfect could a human be? She was exactly what I needed... A woman who was strong but allowed me my power. Who submitted when I wanted to and yet knew when to assert herself.

"Your brothers," she said suddenly, wanting to look past me, but I took her hands with a dirty grin and pressed them into the sand above her head, making her gasp, her eyes wide. I enjoyed watching as she arched her body beneath me, breathing hard in and out, having a really hard time maintaining control.

"You're beautiful," I breathed down at her and immediately her lips parted slightly, as if she was amazed at what I just said. She giggled in embarrassment and freed her hands from mine to wrap her arms around my neck and pull me down to her.

"Thank you," she whispered in a low voice and then kissed my cheek tenderly.

I closed my eyes Enjoyed her caresses and the light wind on my body while her touch spread pleasant goosebumps on my skin.

Until I was suddenly splashed completely wet and startled by the cold water.

"You snots! Get in the water," Senan called, and I carefully rolled off Keeva to look straight into Odran's stupidly grinning face, who was holding a small bucket.

"Seriously?" I asked him with a raised eyebrow as I looked at the bucket and stood up.

He laughed and, without warning, dumped the rest of the cold salt water right in my face, causing Nero to bark excitedly and wave his rod next to him.

"Wait," I growled and he immediately ran back into the water, laughing. I was about to follow him when I looked at Keeva, who was watching us with a smile and then looked up at me dreamily.

Without saying anything, I bent down to her and easily picked her up in my arms.

"Rian! No," she squeaked and tried to free herself, but I didn't even think about it.

"If I have to play with the kids, so do you," I laughed, and slowly walked her into the water, causing her to cling to me tightly.

"The water is freezing!" she complained when her bum got a little wet and tried to pull herself up on me like a hydrophobic cat, but I just threw her into the water in front of us and then laughed out loud watching her grim face .

"You'll get that back!", she wanted to threaten, but when she watched me laughing, she suddenly had to laugh too, until Senan simply poured the full can of water in her face and luckily she then took aim at him.

"Stop it!" She swam laughing away from the three of us and only Nero seemed to be on her side, but he was only walking along the beach at her level. He was kind of afraid to go into the water alone.

"Come here, big one," I called him to me and took him gently in my arms. He wasn't scared like me, but he kept barking loudly as he watched excitedly as my brothers swam after Keeva and splashed her wet.

I watched her just like him and enjoyed the feeling of lightheartedness. For me, every day of my life could be like this now, because I had left everything else behind me. My mother was right from the start. It's not difficult to get respect, a gun is enough, but being really happy isn't something you can do just like that...

For this I first needed a 1.60 large bundle of energy...

But if I had known what was going to happen tomorrow, I certainly wouldn't have stood smiling up to my waist in the sea...