41

RIAN'S POV.

I just left them there, which really took all my strength, and I quickly went to my bedroom, where I suddenly didn't feel at all at home.

My heart ached and I didn't know if it would ever recover. I had begged her to stay with me. She offered to accompany her, but she accepted nothing. I really hated loving her because it was already killing me. So broken that I couldn't even stand to look at her anymore.

How could she just make the decision to leave me?

I wish I could have just forced her to stay with me forever. What could she have done about it? Absolutely nothing... but I respected her and that made me accept her decision. I also knew how gypsies lived. Knew that nothing mattered more than the closest relatives...

How it pissed me off!!!

My wistful gaze fell down to her suitcase and suddenly I got so angry about it all that I yanked open the door behind me and threw the suitcase out along with the rest of her belongings, only to slam the door loudly again.

"Shit!" I cursed, turning my back to the door and then desperately sliding down it.

I had met true love and now it was time to let it go. How ironic...

If only I had never gotten involved with her! I already knew why I didn't let anyone get close to me. For everything good that happens to you, you have to pay a price at some point. So my father was always right. You should focus on yourself and your career. Anything else destroys you...

After hours of just sitting there and holding back my tears under high pressure, I decided to see if she was still down. Even though it hurt to see her, deep down I wanted it.

Masochistic disposition ....

Almost powerless I got up from the floor and opened the door, where the things were all still scattered around.

I walked straight past her suitcase to the stairs and hesitantly took the stairs, where I saw Keeva sitting at the table with her back to me. She looked out the window and watched the sunset while holding the pen in her left hand.

My heart was screaming at me to not the fuck let her go, get on my knees and persuade her to stay, but my mind wouldn't be turned into a begging dog...

"Did you sign it?" I asked as coldly as I could, stepping right behind her where that stunning peach scent hit my nostrils...

I hated it!!!

"Yes," she said suddenly, absolutely composed and let the pen slip out of her hand, while this word from her made my heart burst. There was always this little spark of hope that she would change her mind, but with her signature even that spark was gone and nothing but ash and smoke remained.

"Fine," I breathed to myself, overwhelmed, and stood next to her to collect the notes while trying not to look at her. I had the feeling that otherwise I would have to burst into tears and I wanted to avoid that at all costs.

"Can you please do me a favor?" she broke the silence between us and now I did look at her while she locked her glassy eyes on mine and I unconsciously held my breath. "Spend one last night with me, Rian. No tears, no anger... Just you and me and a moment of happiness."

"I can't," I blurted out at the thought of it, and I knew I could never let her go after that. How strong did she think I was? I now felt weaker than anyone I knew, and just because I didn't show it didn't mean I wouldn't just collapse powerlessly.

"Please," she breathed suddenly, her voice shaking, and grabbed my hand, making my heart race. What should I do now? Have my heart completely ripped apart by her?

And of course I couldn't deny her that damn wish any longer. I loved her and if she was going to break my heart, at least it would break my heart so that nothing would be left.

She stood up slowly and looked up at me to look into my eyes expectantly.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I hated love!!!

"Okay," I whispered, and immediately she wrapped her arms around my neck, clinging tightly to me, all I could think about was that every touch could be the last...

What a bitter realization...

Without saying anything else, she pulled away from me to take my hand and pull me up the stairs after her.

I felt like I was being led to my own execution...

It wasn't until we got to the bedroom that she let go of my hand and preceded me to the bed to sit on the edge in my black shirt and face me.

"How can you stay so calm?" I asked her straight out and really wanted to know, because a storm was raging inside me that could hardly be stopped.

"I'm not calm at all. If you knew how bad I am," she admitted, closing her eyes to take a deep breath. "But I just don't want us to end up arguing. I don't want you to hate me for my decision."

As if I could ever hate her...

I didn't know what to give her back and just stood there like a flag in the wind. Broken...

"Come here," came her quiet voice and I immediately looked at her again, which made me realize that she was reaching out her hand to me.

With great doubts about whether I would really be able to spend one last night with her, I took her hand and let her pull me towards me.

She fell back on the bed, pulling me between her legs as she did so, and the fucking thoughts of this being the last time took me so much that I couldn't even think about fucking.

But apparently all the more for that...

KEEVA POV.;

I wanted nothing more than just to feel him. The thought of being without him tomorrow made my throat tight, but his lips on mine were like the dying breath of a drowning man. It was like he alone could take away the pain...

Resolutely, I pulled him between my legs, caressed his neck and felt his hands grip my waist tightly, taking my breath away. My pulse quickened and I impatiently began to put my hands on the buttons of his shirt while he began caressing my neck.

"Your smell," he breathed in my ear and pressed his body closer to mine, making me moan softly and tearing his damn shirt open.

He immediately raised an eyebrow at me and I wanted to smile at his expression, but I couldn't. This dark cloud was hovering over us and I could see from his eyes how difficult it was all for him.

"Keeva, please-"

"Stop it," I interrupted immediately, fighting back tears. "Just you and me. No worries about tomorrow," I reminded him of our agreement, but he broke away from me and got up to pace in front of the bed.

"I can't do this," he said, turning to look me straight in the eye. "Before I knew you, I wouldn't have given a damn, but I can't just have sex with you while the thought of you abandoning me is going through the whole-"

"But I-"

"I know!" he raised his voice and sat on the edge of the bed, leaving my only view of his back. "You can't help it. I know it and I still don't want to accept it!"

"Rian," I breathed, getting up to kneel on the bed behind him. "Please just hold me..."

I carefully put my hands on his back and he immediately turned around to study me intently.

After that, neither of us said a word.

Without a word, he rolled onto his back and pulled me close as I buried my face in the crook of his neck, wanting to cherish this moment forever.

"The day I first saw you in front of the mansion, I knew you would break my heart," he breathed into the silence and I lifted my head slightly to look at him with a sad expression be able.

"I broke mine too," I whispered, and when he glanced at me briefly, the familiar tingling didn't come. It gave me a stomach ache and I was about to just stay here again...

But I had to go... even if my heart would stay with him forever...

****

The next morning came much too quickly and I had been lying awake next to Rian for a while, scrutinizing him intensely. I wanted to burn every little detail of his beautiful face into my mind, but that was no consolation to me, despite everything.

"I love you," I whispered against his cheek and tearfully kissed him before getting out of bed. My feet felt like they didn't want to take a step forward, but I forced myself to my clothes on the floor and pulled them on quickly to have one last look at Rian before I left the room with a heavy heart.

Down in the living room I suddenly saw a woman who seemed a little older and was eyeing me curiously. She had glasses on, short brown hair and when I saw a suitcase on the floor behind her I had no idea what was going on until Cathan walked in through the front door.

"Good morning, Keeva," he greeted me, and I was amazed that he didn't dance for joy over my disappearance. He probably just didn't show his joy...

He probably noticed my questioning look at this woman and then stood close to her. "This is Isabelle, she will take care of the house and the food now that you have decided to leave my son."

Ouch... Apparently the spectacled snake and I have been replaced with one person...

"I have-"

I actually wanted to explain to him that it wasn't what he thought it was, but I didn't bother. He never liked me anyway, so I said nothing and went to the kitchen to make myself another coffee.

I felt really shitty and only noticed in passing that Cathan was explaining everything to this Isabelle, noticing that he had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

"Listen to me," I addressed the woman, turned to her and completely blocked out Cathan's gaze at me. "Odran is the first to get up. He really needs a coffee and you shouldn't talk to him before that. He likes to eat eggs in the morning and doesn't want salt or pepper on them. Senan only eats muesli anyway and rarely drinks coffee, with him If only I cared that you mixed these with his food throughout the day."

She looked at me questioningly and I rummaged in my purse for the vitamin pills to hand them to her.

"He doesn't take pills voluntarily, so I mixed them in with him so he could at least get some vitamins for his unhealthy lifestyle."

Instead of saying anything, she suddenly just looked at Cathan, which annoyed me a little.

"Did you get that?!", I raised my voice, demanding her attention, which made her finally nod at me.

"And Rian," I began and had to hold back another crying. "He often forgets to eat. Remind him. Also, make sure to charge his laptop at night, because he tends to forget that too."

She nodded again and I took a deep breath to turn to my coffee. "Oh, and it's absolutely vital that you make sure the dining table is always clean. Odran gets a little wild at meals and Rian works from the table, so-"

"My goodness," Cathan interrupted, staring at me in annoyance. "My sons got along just fine without you, so don't pretend you've changed anything here."

"You're right," I replied, slightly startled, and forced myself not to contradict him, but I just let it be, because I would never see him again anyway. Let him think what he wanted. I knew better.

Then, as I watched with a heavy heart as Cathan led this Isabelle up the stairs, I wondered if Rian would ever sleep with her. Oh god, that was such a horrible thought that I suddenly felt like I was going to choke.

"What's going on?" Senan asked concerned about my expression as he came down the stairs and immediately approached me.

"I can't," I sobbed and was immediately pulled into a comforting hug. "I know I have to, but I'm dying just thinking about it!"

Senan held me and gently stroked my back while my world collapsed again. "Then fuck it and stay with us!"

How many times has that thought crossed my mind and I could hardly blame him for clinging to the last stalk of hope, but I couldn't bear to break my heart any longer.

"We already had that," I replied and broke away from him, only to look at him sternly afterwards. "Don't you fall into a hole again and please take good care of Nero."

He nodded dejectedly and then turned away from me to look out of the window, deep in his thoughts, while Odran now came downstairs with Nero. My eyes fell briefly on my suitcases in his hand and now the moment had come where I really had to pull myself together.

"So," he said, putting the suitcases in front of the door and then coming towards me. "Keep your ears up, Kev."

He stood a little awkwardly in front of me and I had to smile about his way. He wasn't one for big words or emotional goodbyes, so I took the first step and hugged him as warmly as I could.

No matter how strong he acted, he deserved so much love and was the kindest person I've ever met. As I felt his arms wrap around me, I wished I could go back to my first day here. How I would have liked to chase him through all the shops again, but we never got around to going shopping together again after that, because somehow one drama after the other followed us.

"Take care of your figure," I giggled, tears welling in my eyes, reluctantly pulling away to look up at him. Glancing at his scars reminded me of our first real conversation and it still came as a bit of a shock that Rian had done this to him. But somehow that didn't matter anymore...

"And you, my hero, watch out for the three," I turned to Nero, who, panting, looked at me as usual. I honestly thought, looking at him, that I was about to drop dead from the pain, but the sound of a car snapped me out of my paralysis.

When the brief silence was then broken by a knock on the door, I glanced at Odran, who was slowly walking towards it, while my wistful gaze fell to the stairs.

Rian wouldn't come...

When we discussed Padraig coming for me last night, he insisted on kissing me passionately alone instead of here among all the people. So our farewell was already behind me...

"Hey, Peach!" Padraig greeted me happily and immediately approached me to lift me up by the waist, but he quickly realized that there was anything but a good mood in the air.

"Hey," I replied with a lump in my throat and seeing him now made it all real.

"He's not coming, is he?" Senan asked, turning to me, and I just shook my head sadly.

"I'll put your things in the car," Padraig explained and walked past Odran, who was standing there as if his food had been stolen. It broke my heart again.

"Come here," I said, stretching out my arms, causing the brothers to come towards me and we hugged tightly one last time. Nothing was said, nothing more was said, and yet this gesture showed me how much they loved me.

"May I as well?"

Startled by his voice, I pulled out of the hug and looked at the stairs where Rian was standing, but he didn't look like his usual at all.

His hair looked disheveled, his gaze was broken. There wasn't a shred of the arrogance he usually exuded, and the sight made me feel worse than ever.

I stepped around the counter and ran towards him as fast as I could, throwing myself into his arms so hard that he even stumbled briefly, but I didn't really care.

"I wish you only the best," he whispered in my ear, his voice shaking, and I clung to him even tighter. Hoped he'd never let me go when I was the beast that would leave him behind... And for what? For the family honor... I felt shabby!

"Me too," I breathed back and looked up into his beautiful eyes with a tortured smile, only to then break away from him and his warmth without wanting to.

"Well then," I whispered breathlessly, walking very slowly to the front door as if my feet just wanted to delay these last few seconds. With the latch in my hand, I looked at all four of them very closely again. Memorized their faces, drew in the scent of this house and let my memories run through my mind, both good and bad, and then left the house without looking back.