Lighthouse
I have thought for so long that anger and madness are slowly filling me. Even if I’m not sold to him, I would still believe that I would act the same. I would always stick to my words. All my life, I’ve been abused and exploited that I wasn’t aware of my own well being. Then one day, I woke up and thought that I want to get even.
I never thought being bad would be this hard and confusing. Is it because I’m not actually that kind of person? Or is it because it’s him and he’s got a point?
While we were both walking, I could feel his tensed shoulders. I can feel that he’s mad, or probably just annoyed with me. I don’t know what’s with me too, I shut my mouth and felt vexed.
When we arrived at the stone formation, without a word he held my wrist and guided me to step onto it. I just did it without questioning him. I almost forgot the reason why we’re here.
The rock formation has a rough surface. But the proceeding spaces are not the same anymore. So I had a hard time stepping into it even though I'm wearing flat strap sandals that's up to my knee.
I gripped hard when I almost stumbled because of a wrong step. With one quick gut, he grabbed me by the waist and lifted me so he could put me into a safe space. I pursed my lips cause he didn’t even look me in the eye. He’s really mad.
After I saw him step on the last bump, I turned my back to him and the first thing I saw was the tall white structure. It’s just meters away from us but it’s looking so tall already.
”What is that?” I asked.
He didn’t answer, so I glanced at him. His eyes are fixated on me but with a serious emotion.
”Lighthouse.”
I nodded and walked. “So this is fun for you?”
He tailed after me. One uphill stairs then I arrived at the banister that’s circling around the light house. It’s built in one of the highest rock formations here so it’s really looking so high and serves its purpose to light the dark ocean.
I leaned on the banister and looked up and saw the pointed roof of the light house. “Why did you bring me here?”
I didn’t hear anything from him again. I had a lot of questions already, and it seems like he has no plan to answer me at all. I bore my eyes into him who’s leaning on the wall of the light house while looking at me.
”I’ll be honest. I thought you’d bring me into the ‘bed’s premises’” I mocked him, joking and breaking the ice.
His face didn’t even flinch a bit. I pursed my lips and felt foolish.
”Where’s the fun here?”
I faced the view and my hair exploded because of the strong wind. Seconds after, I felt him at my back. The same position we had back in the yacht the other day.
”Jumping from here to there.” he pointed to the ocean below.
”What?” I turned my head, looking up to him.
He smirked.
”I’m not gonna kill myself, Aciel.”
”Of course. As if I’ll let you do that.”
”Then what do you mean by that?”
He collected my hair and put it on my one shoulder.
”I’ve done that. Jumping to those cold welcoming waves.”
”What? Like… right here?”
He nodded. My brows furrowed.
”Are you crazy?” I blurted out. .
”Well, maybe I am.” he chuckled.
I can’t still close my jaw as I look down into the waters below. I feel like he’s bluffing me. Who the hell would do that?
”Me.”
I glanced at him. “You’re speaking your thoughts loud, Ms. Hampton.”
I cleared my throat. “Why did you do that? Were you alone? What was it? Some sort of dare or what?” I bombard him with questions.
”It’s the best decision I ever made. I wouldn’t be here with you if I didn’t choose to jump.”
Just thinking about it sounds impossible. How am I supposed to believe him?
”My parents were killed here.”
My mouth literally dropped hearing him. My hand unconsciously went into his hand that’s on the banister. His eyes were blood shot as he said that even though there’s a sincere slight smile embedded on his face.
”Somebody told me to jump. So I did.”
”W-who?”
”The one who took care of me.”
I breathed. “The woman who took care of you.” I said, remembering Molly’s story.
He nodded. I guess being bad is hard as being good. I thought I could be so stone cold after all the things that had happened to me, after all the anger that’s piled in me. I too, is longing for my parent’s love so hearing him pained my heart a bit.
”In this same exact place, where I witnessed how my parents were killed, I also made a promise to someone… here."
I listened to him.
”I promised that I would do the same. For her.”
The woman? He promised to jump for her again? What?
“And if I would be in that same situation again. I will not hesitate to do it all over again.”
My hold unto him tightened. “You said that so easy.”
”You heard me, Alia. If you told me to jump here, I’ll do it.”
“No.” I disagree. “This is not fun, Aciel. Let’s go.”
I removed his hands on my sides so I could walk away but instead, he jailed me more.
”I’ll jump for you.” he whispered. “For that I think is a promise that’s superior to the promises that were made by them a while ago.”
For some bits of moments I think I got lost. He played it so well. Like a prince waiting for his princess in a castle. Showering her with flowery words and sweet praises. I got lost in his eyes.
”This is to die for.” he smiled.
I touched his nape with both of my hands. “Don’t say that. This life is to live for.”
”No.” He shook his head. “Doesn’t it sound great? To die for someone? Trading your life for that.”
I gulped and felt my eyes welling up with tears. I bowed my head for a bit because I think, in just a few more seconds of hearing him and looking at his eyes I’ll break down. This is not good for me. This is not good for my plans.
I tiptoed and fought my superego. I tried to reach his lips but he stopped me. The side of his lips rose up. He touched my lips with his thumb.
”I will not kiss you without your consent.”
”Kiss me.” I commanded.
He smiled sadly. “This is not about this, Alia.”
”Fvcking kiss me.” I sound frustrated. I brushed his lips into mine but he pushed me lightly stopping me.
I almost punched his chest in frustration. I want him to kiss me. I want to erase all the good thoughts. I want to prove a point. I don’t want my ego to win cause Id is the most important thing at this moment. It should be the superior of me, not my ego, not my superego. Not him.
One long silence and restraint. He held me by the waist and cupped my nape so he could press his lips to mine. He granted it. He granted my whining. The light may be there, the moon may be there, but I’ve been into too much darkness that I forgot that it was always there for me.
This is enough. This should be done. I would not let my feelings struck me again. It will just destroy me in the end.
