Compromise

I’ve watched this scene in a movie before. When the lead girl slowly drifts away from his man, not because she doesn’t love him anymore but for the sake of the good turning of situations.

Funny how people have been wanting to be loved, but end up sacrificing things for that love as well. I really don’t get it. I feel like I’m not supposed to be in this world anymore.

”It’s too late Emma. Why are you still not going home?” Lulu asked me.

I ignored her and continued to play with my food. I ordered this food for us. Today is Sunday. It’s supposed to be a free day but I chose to busy myself with some errands. I requested for my manager to give me a schedule for today, I finished it this afternoon. Afterwards, I went straight to Lulu’s place.

Time felt like a mirage. Slowly, my life is drifting into a kind of lifestyle I never imagined my life to be. Now, I’m a freelance model with the help of Zoey. I’m in my first year of college

”Can I stay for the night?”

She looked at me like I’m sort of an alien of what. She’s probably shocked that I’m asking for this kind of favor for the first time.

”For real? As if Mr. Evans would let you.” she chuckled while making her tea.

My eyes dropped. I knew that. But that doesn’t matter anymore.

”You guys fought?” she asked.

I shook my head and pressed my lips to stop myself from saying things. It’s heavy, alright? But I have to endure it all. Even though I’m itching to share this burden I couldn’t, just because I’m afraid that if I open my mouth, things will not favor me anymore.

”Then why? You’re acting very weird lately, you know?”

I didn’t reacted to what she said.

”But hey! I know I’ve messaged you about this already but I still want to say this in person. Congrats on your billboard! I’m so proud of you.”

I smirked blandly and shrugged. Yeah. I had a billboard in the city this month. It’s from a famous perfume brand. I owe it all to Zoey and her connections. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t get to experience all that.

”That’s why you’ve been so busy lately huh? Tell me if another Billboard is coming out. “ she giggled when she sat in front of me.

I smiled lightly. Honestly, I kind of underestimated this career. I thought, this will be easy as it just looks like it’s all about cameras and your face but it’s not. The modeling industry could be toxic as hell if you don’t know how to put yourself on the pedestal. This industry is not for the weak. But I managed to stay for months now.

”What about Mr. Evans? I bet he’s so proud of you. From the fragile Alia he saved before, now a famous and striving model of the country.”

”He’s proud.” I smiled a little.

I didn’t lie. I really couldn’t ask for more when it came to him. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been really busy these past few months. We barely see each other and had time together and for me that’s what I’ve been wanting to happen.

This industry might be toxic but it became my escape route from the burdens that’s on my shoulder. I couldn’t face him with all the truth that I’ve been keeping inside of me. My father is still out there, and it’s because of me.

But in terms of our relationship, I wouldn’t wish for more. I don’t know if he’s just an understanding person and letting me off the hook but I really didn’t hear him demand something from me.

Even there were days where we didn’t see each other because either he’s out of town or I am out of town for a shoot, I wouldn’t hear him get annoyed or stop me from doing all these. Even if I'm cold to him, he wouldn’t ask. Even when I decline his date invites, he wouldn’t get mad.

Its almost midnight when I decided to go home. I made sure that Aciel will be asleep when I go back to his penthouse so that we’ll not have any encounter.

I dialed Sibal’s number. “Sibal? I’m going now.”

I bid my goodbye to Lulu. I was silent the whole trip back to the penthouse. I’m so tired, but I prefer it this way. I want physical pain so that I will not focus on the burdens inside my head.

Wearing knee high boots and an oversize white button down shirt and a black corset hugging my body I waited for the lift to reach his floor. When the lift opened, I was surprised to see Aciel waiting for me at the foyer. He’s wearing lounge shorts and a gray shirt.

His eyes lit in amusement when he saw me. I didn’t know how to react. I’m just puzzled and couldn’t lay a glance on him.

”Y-you’re still awake?” I said and got inside.

He didn’t say anything and just met the spaces between us and embraced me. I can feel the amount of relief he’s feeling when he does that. The way he embraced me so tight, and his deep sigh on my neck sends a different kind of air. My knees are trembling and my heart sank thinking that he’s longing.

I’m longing for him as well. But why is this so hard for me?

”Aciel, I can’t breathe.” I said and pushed him even though I wanted to embrace him as well.

He immediately loosened his embrace and let go of me. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it.” he said with so much guilt.

I bit my tongue when I saw a hint of sadness in his eyes. He’s smiling yet his eyes tell otherwise.

”Why are you still up?” I asked just to break the awkward air I’m feeling.

”I’m waiting for you.”

I sighed heavily and got away from his hold. I sensed that he was a bit stunned by that but he let me. I walked to the direction of the living area and left him there.

”Why did you wait for me? It’s late. I told you I’m busy for today.”

I felt him tailing me. He didn’t say any words so I looked back and faced him again. And goodness! When I say I felt my heart crushed when I saw him, such a well respected man looking so small while looking at me with a sad smile on his face and longing eyes, I’m not lying.

I swallowed the lump on my throat to endure the emotions.

”It’s Sunday.” He uttered shortly. Like he’s trying to say a statement with that short explanation.

”Yeah. I know it’s Sunday. But didn’t I tell you already that I’ll be going home late tonight because I have a project to shoot?”

”Your shoot ended early.”

My lips went flat line. Shoot. He knows.

”You went to Lulu’s place. Right?” he said calmly.

I gritted my teeth. I don’t know why I’m becoming angry. My alter ego is defending my wicked self by putting the blame on him.

”What happened with the ‘No Questions to Sibal’ rule?”

He sighed heavily and walked near me. “I’m sorry. I was just wondering since it’s Sunday and I’m left alone here. I guess I’m bored and-”

”But that doesn’t mean that you still have to break the rule!”

The rule that I made ambiguously for the sake of my wicked need and selfish reasons.

”Yes baby. I’m at fault, yes. I’m sorry.” he said so passionately.

He reached for my elbows enclosing the spaces again. I was just stopping myself from bursting.

”I just missed you. Sundays used to be our day.” he whispered and showered my cheeks with kisses. My heart is turning weak with all his gestures.

But since my mind says otherwise, I shrugged his hold again and pushed him lightly. I avoided his kiss by turning my head to the side. The tip of his nose rested on my cheek. I heard him sighed heavily.

”You’ve been so busy lately. Shit. I don’t want to be clingy but is it wrong to miss my baby?” he said and kissed the available side of my face.

I can’t. I know where this is going. And the same routine will just happen again and again with this kind of set up. I’m trying my best to get away while he’s just forgiving me every time.

”Aciel, stop.” I countered. ”I’m…. looking for a place to stay.” I said.

I felt him stop completely. “Hmm?”

”Since… I-I’m kind of have lots of shoots and projects lately, I’m thinking of getting a place where I could stay and-”

”Is my place too inconvenient for you?” I can sense the weary and doubt in his tone.

I looked down and played with my pouch.

”Uhm, I just think it will be better if I sometimes not go home so it will be both easy for us.”

”W-why? But… In what part do you feel like it’s not easy huh?”

I look in his eyes. The clear worry is vivid now.

”Do I give you a hard time here? Do I not give you enough space?”

”N-no, just… it’s much easier for me to go to work since it will be closer and has an easy route.”

”Then we’ll find another place for us. Damn it, I have lots of hotels Alia. We can just stay there.”

”No!” I raised my voice. I gulped the building pressure in my throat. I know he’ll suggest that.

”That’s what makes me frustrated, Aciel! You’re suffocating me! I thought you wanted me to be free? I thought you’ll let me do anything that I want?” I would want to cut my own tongue for saying all these.

His eyes softened and I saw how his shoulders fell when I uttered those words.

”I’m… suffocating you?”

”Yes! Even with Sibal tailing me always. And you are waiting for me to go home even when it’s late at night and for what? For sex? Damn it, Aciel! I’m so tired from work and studies yet you’re-”

”Never did I asked for sex, Alia. I made love to you and that’s not often as you may think. I didn’t force you in any of that and never will I force you to do that with me. If you don’t want it I’ll respect you. But since you’re showing no hint of rejection I…” he couldn’t continue his words. It’s like his anger is almost bursting but he stopped it.

He brushed his hair frustrates and palmed his face.

”I’m sorry, okay? Alright. You could have told me that at the very start. Now that I know it, I can fully compromise. I swear I just wait for you to go home because we barely see each other already. Our schedule won’t match so this is the least thing I could do for you.” he explained.

He reached for my hand. “Please? Don’t leave me here. I can compromise with your conditions just please don’t leave me alone here.”

I gritted my teeth and pulled my hand. My tears that’s almost falling on my eyes because of the pain I’m feeling is getting hard to suppress.

”I’m tired. I’ll go to my room now. You shouldn’t have waited for me.” I said coldly and left him alone there.

As if it was a cue, my tears fell like crazy and all I could do was bite my lips to stop the sobs from escaping.