Chapter 31: The Worst

Lisa gasped and then sobbed again. She buried her face in my chest. I hugged her and let her cry to calm herself. It was shocking to hear what she said, but I tried to calm myself too while patted her back.

“Cry as much as you want to relieve yourself, but I won’t leave you, my dear. You are mine, and I will stay with you.”

After five to ten minutes, she stopped crying. Lisa took a deep breath and said, “What I told you is the bad and the ugly. But I haven’t told you the worst.”

“What is it?”

“I experienced PTSD afterward. I was terrified all the time and couldn’t get any sleep.”

“We will find a good Omicron to help you. I will be patient with you.”

Lisa bit her lower lip. “I still have nightmares sometimes. If you are with me, maybe you will hear me once in a while screaming at night because of the terrors.”

“I may have PTSD too.” Then I took a deep breath. “I have never come to an Omicron to test it, but sometimes I have nightmares about my parents and sister too.”

“What happened?” She raised her face to stare at me.

“Rogues attacked our pack. They killed my parents and sister. I almost died too, but I could escape. Cam found me and brought me to our pack. It was the beginning of our twenty years of friendship.” I touched my nape. “But at night, it still haunts me until now: the day when I lost everything.”

“If you become my mate, you can ask our warriors to help you with the revenge.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I want to have my own pack. Then I will do my revenge.”

“I will support you.”

I held Lisa’s hands. “Does it mean you accept me as your mate?”

Lisa blushed and nodded. “From the first time I saw you, I already felt something for you. But I knew it was only a dream. Considering my condition.” Then her shining eyes dimmed again. “I haven’t told you the worst yet.” She laughed but it didn’t reach her eye and shook her head. “It’s me, the ruined one. If you have me, you will receive a problematic package.”

“If you receive me, you receive a problematic package too. So we are the same.”

She caressed my hands. “It’s the first time I told anyone about this. I didn’t even tell Dad and Bill. They knew about it, but they didn’t understand my feelings, nor did I tell them.” She sighed. “After what happened, I was pregnant. I didn’t know who the father was because so many of them raped me …. At first, it shocked me, but I loved the pup.” Lisa sobbed and touched her stomach. “I gave birth to my pup. He was a handsome boy. But then, my father took my pup away …. I was too weak after the delivery. I could only see him bring the pup away. So when he visited me the next day, I asked him. But he said he killed my pup ….” Lisa’s voice was hoarse.

“I’m sorry for what happened to you and your pup. But we can try to get you pregnant again.”

“I don’t know ... I find it too scary to let any man touch me again.”

“But you let me kiss you.”

Lisa smiled a little and touched my face. “You are different. I feel safe with you. I feel I can trust you.”

“Because you are my mate.” Then I remembered something. “What you said about sleeping with other werewolves, is it false?”

Lisa nodded, but she didn’t look into my eyes. “Yes. I tried to give you the impression that I’m sexually active. While the fact is the contrary.” She took a deep breath. “I don’t want you to see me as ruined trash.”

“Please, don’t call yourself such a negative term. You are beautiful and worthy of any man’s affection.”

“I’m too scared to let anyone close.” She hugged herself and bent her head. “I’m afraid they will hurt me again.”

“Lisa, we can’t change your past. It has happened. It was as you said: bad, ugly, and worst, but you still have the present and the future. If you allow me, we will have it together.”

“But—”

I touched her lips with a finger. “No buts. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. The question is, do you want me?”

Lisa shut her eyes. Her tears fell again. Her voice trembled when she talked, but she didn’t open her eyes. “I-I’m selfish to want you, but it’s the first time I want someone after ten years ….”

“Don’t punish yourself more …. I will be with you in every way. But we will take it slowly, as slow as you want. We will build our family together, and one day, we will have our pup too.”

Lisa opened her eyes. Her eyes shone with tears. “It’s a too beautiful dream to come true. Can I have it? D-do I still deserve to have a happy life?”

“Of course. Why did you think the opposite?”

“Because I made a mistake. I shouldn’t reject those guys. Then they wouldn’t be mad at me until wanted to hurt me ….”

I shook my head. “Lisa, rejecting people is your right. You can’t accept everyone who likes you. If a hundred men like you, will you have them all as your mates?”

Lisa giggled. “Of course not. But you know what I meant.”

“I do. But you want to punish yourself for something that isn’t your fault.” I touched her cheek. “Let yourself free from your self-guilt. Free yourself to live.”

“I’m scared ….”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to hurt anymore ….”

“I can’t guarantee you anything. But I will do my best to guard your heart if you trust me with it.”

“You are too good for me.” Her tears flowed heavily to her cheeks.

“Am I? But I’m a noob with the sexual thing. So I’m worried about whether or not I can be a good mate for you.”

“As long as you will love me, be patient and gentle with me, I think you have surpassed all my expectations of a mate.”

“Really?”

Lisa nodded. “I’m ready,” she whispered. She bit her lower lip, but her blush crept into her cheeks.

“Ready for what?”

“To mate with you.”