Promise

I woke up to the beeping monitors. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. What had happened again? Pain shot through my head as I tried to recall it. I groaned.

"Try not to move." A female voice told me. I opened my eyes and blinked against the strong light until I could make out a friendly looking nurse.

"What happened?" I asked. Last thing I remember was going for a little walk in the forest after my conversation with James.

"We don't know. You were found three days ago early in the morning in the woods. You were barely alive. Only reason you are already awake is because your awakening is so close."

My awakening. My wolf! Full moon!

"Which day? Date?" I just now noticed how dry my mouth felt.

The nurse told me. I was shocked. Full moon was next week. What if they didn't allow me to go into the forest because I was injured? No! That couldn't happen. My peaceful month! I had been looking forward to it for so long! I would get it, I decided at this moment, or die trying.

"The alpha will come in a moment, he wants to talk with you." The nurse informed me. I nodded. He probably wanted to know what happened to me. What was I supposed to tell him? Was he even going to believe me?

I swallowed but there was nothing to swallow, my mouth was still uncomfortably dry. A moment later a glass appeared in my hand. The nurse smiled at me, but it didn't reach her eyes. Of course it didn't. She was a nurse and I was... well me. The black sheep of the pack.

"Maybe I could use my situation to my advantage", I thought while sipping on my water. "What his son did could be my ticket out."

It took another two hours until the alpha appeared. He sat down next to me, his gaze was cold and worried at the same time. He sent everyone out.

"I know you have been through a lot, but you clearly have been attacked and I need to know who did it."

"I will tell you, but for my silence I want a promise." A hollow smile flashed across my face.

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?" I could hear the agitation in his voice.

"You son", I said quietly.

"You are lying!" Were his first words. Of course they were. As if someone would just believe me. That would never happen, not in this life. It didn't matter if I lied or told the truth, everyone had already made up their own answer and no one cared about the truth.

"Am I?" I asked. I could feel the pressure from the alpha.

"Tell me the truth!" He ordered, forcing me to submit, to tell him the truth. He really didn't believe me.

"James. You son did that to me." I repeated.

He slumped down. I knew why. There was no way for me to lie under the pressure of my alpha.

"Who... who knows?" He asked, defeated.

"No one. We can keep it that way, I just want a promise."

He looked at me, confused. "What promise?"

"After I got my wolf, let me go. Let me leave. I don't want this pack anymore." My voice was barely audible. It was the first time I said that out loud. The first time I admitted that I wanted to abandon my pack. I had expected that my heart would hurt more, but instead I felt better, like a huge weight had been lifted off me.

"Okay."

"Just tell me what lie to tell and I will do so. Then please leave me alone. I have to heal so I am ready for next week to go into the forest and get to know my wolf."

He nodded. His eyes glanced at me with a complicated look, as if he just couldn't understand me. "Don't worry" I thought, "I don't understand me either. I know that my pack should be my first priority, but instead all I want is to be alone."

After a little thinking we agreed on a bear attack and he would deal with the fallout. I made sure that he would blame me for invading the bears sleeping quarters so the bear wouldn't be hunted down and everyone would blame me instead. I didn't want an innocent bear to die for me.

I opened my eyes for the first time in my life. My body was aching, but that was to be expected, as we were mid-shift when I became conscious.

I yelped in pain. "Shifting won't always be so painful." I soothingly told myself. "Just the first time." I didn't know how I knew this, but I instinctively did.

"Hello there", the other one said. "I am Muru and also I am sorry for all the pain. It's a little more painful than usual, I am not quite well yet."

"My name is Ayla." I introduced myself. "What do you mean not well yet?"

Instead of answering I got flashbacks of getting beaten up and a long stay in the hospital.

"What happened? I groaned.

"Someone just used me as a punching bag. Had to happen sooner or later. Now that you are here I will be more careful. I am sorry."

I was stunned for a moment.

"You were beaten up? By who?"

She shook her head.

"Doesn't matter, let's focus on getting through the shifting. I.. we.. have a few cracked ribs, that's why it hurts so much."

Now that she mentioned it I could feel our chest especially hurting. How could she talk about this with such a clinical cold voice, as if it didn't happen to her? All I got from her now were just status updates.

I wanted to ask more, but a scream escaped me? Her? us? Guess maybe we wait till after the shift. Luckily it didn't take long anymore and finally we were standing under the moonlight in our full wolf form. "The first time is always painful" I thought.

I looked up at the full moon and howled.

"It's the frost moon." Muru said quietly.

"A beautiful name for a moon."

"I don't understand why the same moon has a different name each month, but I do like the names."

I stretched and looked at the small cabin behind us. She seemed to have crawled outside the moment the shift began. A cold winter wind blew through our off-white fur.

"I want to run." I said and started.

"Please, just not too much. I am sorry. Concussion recovery..." Muru mumbled.

I sighed.

"Don't worry. We will be alright." Muru said. I finally could feel some warmth coming from her voice. That made me happy. Her promise made me happy.

I barked loudly and ran underneath the stars. I wanted our first night together to be something beautiful and unforgettable. We would share the same body after all. We would live together for a very long time and we would need to get along. I am her wolf but she is my human.

We ran under the stars for a long time. We saw the milky way, normal wolves, owls while the bright moon circled over us. It was an exceptionally beautiful clear night.

After the run we went back to the cabin, the sky already started to lighten when I stumbled through the door on my paws. I felt a little dizzy. Guess I overdid it after all.

"I am sorry." I howled to Muru.

"Please, never apologise to me. It's my fault anyway. I should have just walked away or defended myself instead of letting myself get beaten up. I just hoped... nevermind."

A shudder ran down my spine. During the run our two minds had slowly gotten accustomed to one another and now we were close enough to feel each other's thoughts and emotions. I could feel what she had hoped for. I could end her sentence. "... that this would end me."

That is what she had hoped for.

"Are you still?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No. And especially not anymore. I can't do that to you. You will find our mate and we will be happy." She promised, a voice full of hope.

"Any wishes for your mate?" I asked, grinning.

"Just two things: not from my current pack, and please let him have kind eyes."

I hummed. That really wasn't much.

"You?"

"Our mate will be perfect no matter what gender, pack, or anything they belong to." I said, convinced. Looking back now, how wrong I was back then! There is no perfection in mother nature. Everyone has their own flaws and all we can do is embrace them with their flaws and accept them the way they are... or don't.

Over the next few days Muru and I got to know each other better. I learned that Muru liked nature and was a photographer. She didn't like her pack and I could understand why. But maybe now that she had me it would be better?

Mostly it seemed to be just communication issues. They thought Muru was weird and stupid because she didn't talk much, but I liked to talk. I could help her with that! Looking back now, that was another one of my mistakes, thinking that to make it all well, I just had to change who Muru was, instead of seeing the real issue. Muru wasn't wrong for who she was, I should have fought to make others understand her and not for her to adjust to the expectations of others. But what did I know back then?

Another issue was that no one ever believed her. The others would break things and blame it on her, and even if she said she didn't do it, too many said she did and people believed the majority. I cannot tell a specific day where it happened, but over time, she just stopped defending herself. What was the point anyway?

One day it snowed. We shifted and walked through the forest when Muru stopped me. "Look at these paw prints!" A soft layer of white covered the whole forest, making it look like a magical wonderland. I looked at the paw prints in the fresh snow.

"Those are..." I started.

"Lynx. The ghost of the forest. I want to see him one day. He has lived around here for a long time already, I always see his traces but never him."

Muru sounded excited and happy when talking about the animals of the forest. She knew them all. The two squirrels that lived in the right spruce tree from our cabin, the three little mice underneath the cabin, the five wolves that sometimes would run past. Then the deers. "Look at the young male, I photographed his birth last year."

It was wonderful to just listen to her. She knew all their habits, she could tell them apart, as if these were her real family. We often walked in wolf form through the forest. I walked and Muru rambled on about an animal we just saw. She could talk hours about just a sparrow! I loved it!

I wished our time would have been longer, but I can say we got to know each other quite well. She got to know me too. I am a happy outgoing person! I like to mingle with others and I like to dance. Sadly our clothing style is completely different, but Muru already promised me to compromise on that. I have the feeling I had found the best human partner from all the werewolves out there. Who else had a human who was willing to compromise on all the little details so we would be equals in both bodies?!

At last I never heard of any! Then again, I just became conscious not too long ago, but from Murus' mind I read that this much wasn't common at all. I am a lucky girl!