Chapter 183

“I hear you’re tagging along with me tonight?” Jake pats me on the head as he passes me in the kitchen and kisses Emma a little naughtily on the mouth. She giggles as his hands skim her body sneakily and I can almost imagine him winking at her before he pulls away as I watch that broad back and shoulders from this viewpoint.

I used to feel uncomfortable with their constant public affections and how often they get lost in each other. Now all I want is to be standing here with Arry this way and I’m impatient to go back to the city to see him. Talking to Sylvana earlier gave me the kick up the butt I needed and now I don’t want to waste any more time.

Emma told me he was flying to the city for a few hours for work and I am taking full advantage of the Jake Carrero cab service.

“Yep. I’m going home to fix my life.” I smile confidently, my head has a plan and I am not waiting here another day to sort things out. I haven’t called him or text because I know I want to see him face to face. I need to work out exactly what I am going to say on the flight home. Nervous, anxious but I need to fix things with the one person who makes life bearable.

“Better put on a pretty dress then.” Jake smirks at me as he moves to the pots Emma has bubbling on the stove, filling the room with amazing smells and peeks inside. She slaps his butt when he sticks his finger in one and he gives her another kiss for the pleasure.

“My aim is not seduction, Jake, it’s talking things out.” I don’t think trying to bed Arry is going to help anything and as I am still recovering and still blood spotting then sex is the last thing on my mind. I’m not ready to go there yet. I doubt Arry will be either.

Emma shoves him out of the way, throwing me an exasperated look and butts him with her hip to get back in against her stove. He stands behind her and moves close enough that I know he’s probably ass poking her with his groin. He’s so transparent with his constant sexual advancements on his little blue-eyed girl.

“He’s having his farewell do with the staff from the sixty fifth floor tonight at the Pegu club, to say so long now he’s resigned.” Jake turns on me and watches with that know it all expression and I sag. I had no idea he was even having a ‘thing’ to cut ties with all the people he has worked with for years, it’s not like we have been talking at all.

Another failure at being his girlfriend, like I need any more on that list.

“Right. Good night to show up, huh? Either go wait all night for him at home to come back drunk and hard to handle or go embarrass myself in front of all his staff.” Great choice: my nerves soar high as my stomach plummets. I don’t want to sit in the apartment all night twiddling my thumbs and I can’t exactly call him and ask him to leave it early.

“Well you need to figure out if he’s worth it.” He grins at me and I know he’s being his asshole self and pretty much telling me to suck it up. I didn’t really plan on a public show down or reunion and now I am seriously doubting this whole thing.

“Guess I need to go rummage my case then, right?” I sigh defeatedly and try like crazy to ignore the churning fear growing inside of me. If I want to see him then I need to get a grip and show up at his night out, even if he might not exactly be happy to see me.

“Better move. I have my meeting with my dad and two clients to get to, so I can’t delay the flight for long.”

***

“Good luck, kiddo” Jake hands me my jacket from the back of his car and I slide across the seat to get out onto the sidewalk. It’s not late, only nine p.m. but already Soho is bustling with party goers and people out for a good time. I open the door slightly then smile when Jake’s driver pulls it fully for me and stands politely aside.

“Wish me luck.” I kiss him on the cheek quickly and Jake squeezes my hand as he lets me go. We didn’t really talk much on the flight because he knows I had to sit and think through what I need to say. He left me alone and worked on his laptop and I stared aimlessly at darkening sky and passing clouds. Nothing gets your head in perspective than a silent flight for an hour and lots of breathing space.

I’m sick with tension and nerves as I have no clue at all how he is going to be when he sees me. I was too scared to text him in case he told me not to come and now my flip flop of organs and butterfly stomach flutters are doing nothing to help me get calm.

“I’ll have my driver drop your case off at the apartment for you going home. Call me if you need me. I’ll be in the city until late with this dinner meeting.”

“Okay. I’m sure it will be fine and if not. I can get a cab to our apartment; it’s still my home too.” I reassure him, crossing my fingers that I won’t be going home alone after this.

“You look beautiful and you have an upper hand. Arrick is crazy about you, even if he’s not in a good place.” Jake’s serious tone sort of hints that I should expect a little Arry resistance and I swallow hard.

This isn’t going to be easy.

I get out with a final smile and smooth down my black dress. I opted for an Audrey Hepburn number that I know he loves on me and small heels. My hair is down and curled and I have spent way too long on that flight making my almost not there make up perfect. I know he will be blown away at seeing me like this again, it’s been a while. He’s had weeks of blotchy, emotional, and messy Sophie, living in onesies and sneakers. I guess I see where Mia gets it from.

I wish I had the confidence to match how I look.

I throw back a final wave and glance before I cross the sidewalk to the overflowing doors of the Pegu Club and slide in between men coming back out.

The noise and hustle bustle of an overcrowded and very popular bar make it almost impossible to think and I start searching the long narrow walkway stretched out between the bar and the seating nooks to try and find him. Standing on tip toes every few steps to scan the room.

It’s crowded and heaving, obviously a popular cocktail bar and I realize this may take a while. It’s a pretty urban looking space, warm and glowy with wood floors and leather seating in various earthy tones. It’s totally the kind of place Arrick likes to go, not over pretentious and grand, just down to earth, and real. It almost has a rustic vibe in small elements, but overall, it’s modern in a comfy way.

I make my way further in and start scoping the bustling groups of people, pushing myself in between crowds as I try to make my way further back. If this is a group outing, then they will have had to gather a lot of seating in one place, so the back of the bar is most likely.

It only takes me a minute to spot a large group of people who stand out obviously, as most of them are dressed like they came from an office and are not done up like the rest of the milling customers in jeans and sparkly outfits.

I head that way, biting on my lip anxiously and pray I have the right group because now I need to ask relative strangers where he is and make it obvious, I wasn’t invited. I’m trying to not let my fear get the better of me.

“Oooft” I walk blindly into someone while I am so busily focused on where I am going and hop away apologetically as I step on soft feet.

“Sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was…” I turn with a heated face of embarrassment and stop dead when I come eye to eye with blue eyes, pouted red lips and that flawless bulging set of boobs, known as Amanda.

“Sophie?” She looks instantly confused and moves the two drinks she is holding from between us delicately. A red wine and a bottle of bud and I immediately wonder if one is for Arrick. I try not to scowl at her, even though my initial reaction is to flip up the bottom of her glass down her almost transparent blouse. It would give me so much satisfaction to stain her tits red.

“I’m looking for Arry.” I point out obviously; I mean why else would I be here? Amanda’s expression drops slightly, and I swear I see an ounce of disappointment that makes my anger rise. I have no idea what she thought she was getting tonight but I will be damned sure, it’s not him.

“He’s in the men’s room.” She responds a little cattily and I glance back at the bud in her hand with a moment of doubt.

Arry wouldn’t be here as her date. I know him. I have to not read anything into this and trust that he values what we could still have.

“Right.” I frown and attempt to pull the full-on bitch out of my tone.

“Talking of which.” She immediately perks up and pushes past me, extending the bud and as I turn around. I am hit with the full force of seeing my boy in all his glory again for the first time. He hasn’t automatically clicked the blonde with his PA is me and he’s taking the drink from her with a quick smile before his eyes come to land on my face and I see any form of realization.

He looks so handsome. His shirt is semi fitted and open at the collar over dark pants, his jacket looks so tailored on that muscular body, black and open wide and even though he’s obviously been at work in this outfit, it somehow looks right for this casual setting. He looks like my idea of a perfect dream and those hazel eyes come to rest on me silently for a brief second.

We regard each other. No one says anything, and no one seems to react. I feel like all the air gets sucked out of my lungs and the longing to jump into his arms overwhelms me.

“What are you doing here?” Is the first thing he says. Dead pan, emotionally concealed and my heart sinks a little more. He doesn’t look happy that I am here, and I have to remind myself that he doesn’t have to. I have to fix things and his reaction is something I should accept and understand. This isn’t about Arrick chasing me anymore. This is about me getting him back.

“I came home to see you… You don’t seem thrilled to see me.” I try for a smile; aware Amanda is still hanging around even if she has stepped back and I will her to go trip up on her ridiculous shoes or choke. I want her to go away.

“Should I be? Last time I saw you we broke up and you told me to leave. I haven’t had any demanding texts from you lately, so I am kind of shocked you turned up here.”

He sounds so cold, and not like my Arry at all and it’s breaking my heart. This isn’t a bickering fight and sometime apart I am dealing with. Arry is done with me and my behavior and he doesn’t look overly interested in talking it out. I hurt him more than even I have comprehended, and my heart aches with complete remorse. My throat goes dry with nerves and a longing to touch him when he is this close.

I blink back my tears and try for a smile, trying to appear unaffected by the cutting words and remind myself of my plan to put things right. I ignore his sarcasm, because I know he’s trying to wound me an ounce of how I’ve hurt him, and I look away from the way he’s intensely staring at me, all adoration devoid in the icy look.

Amanda has the sense to quietly move and wander off in the direction of the suited people nearby and Arrick sighs heavily as I stand there, lost for words.

“Just go home.” He goes to walk past me, dismiss me, but I impulsively grab his arm and turn him with desperation.

“I came home because I missed you, because I’m sorry. I want to make things right. I need to talk to you.” It comes out childishly, all my rehearsed speeches and apologies falling to ashes when faced with a very real threat that maybe I’m too late.

“Sorry? For what exactly? For throwing everything back in my face when I needed you. For pushing me out and punishing me? Or do you mean for pretty much acting like a spoiled brat and blaming me for everything that goes wrong in your life no matter what I do to try and rectify it?”

Ouch.

Arrick isn’t playing nice or thinking about reunions. Arrick is in closed down, stay the hell away from me mode and I have never had to pull him out of this. He isn’t one to hold grudges or moods for a long time, especially not days apart. He really isn’t happy to see me at all.

“Yes, all of that.” I mutter softly, hurt into submission as tears fill my eyes and I’m losing all strength and conviction in my plan. I have no idea what to say. Out of my depth and like a stupid little girl with no understanding of how a real relationship works at all. Arry has sheltered, chased, and pampered me for so long that I don’t know how to be the one to make it all right. I didn’t expect the bitterness or accusation from hi., I had this stupid idea we would make up dramatically and romantically and realized that all along I have assumed he would fall over with happiness at having me back.

I deserve this for being so naïve and self-absorbed.

“I’m done … With all of it. Done with running after you, taking care of everything and being a doormat. It’s not who I am, and I’ve let you get away with it for so long because I was wrapped up in how I felt about you. You weren’t there when I needed you. I’m starting to realize it was only a matter of time before we started to crack—we have been in a bubble for too long. Real life and real problems are too much for us.”

I grip the necklace around my throat impulsively as his words cut me to the core, the tiny puzzle piece digging cruelly into my palm as I try to catch my breath. A symbol of what we are, and it feels like it’s choking me suddenly. He seems so hard and cruel.

“You don’t mean that.” I blurt it out brokenly, but he lifts his beer and takes a drink, looking away from me with a frown that almost seems to say, ‘Don’t I?’

“Just leave. I have people waiting on me and I have no head space for this shit right now.” It’s so defeated and low, almost as though he doesn’t even have the energy to even talk to me. He makes a move and I croak.

“Arrick?” It comes out strangled and painful and a tear rolls down my cheek pathetically. I never saw this coming at all but even as it’s killing me, I know I deserve all of it. He’s walking away, and I’m left standing here looking like some dumb unwanted weirdo. I don’t move, even when I catch Amanda glance my way and look away quickly, a moment of smug on her face and I can’t bear it any longer.

Heart break erupting and I don’t want to be left here being laughed at by his bitch PA. I turn on my heel and start pushing my way back out of this infernal bar. Eyes filling up and insides crumbling. So many people get in my way and it’s near impossible to get anywhere fast. I literally feel like my body is being pulled through a wringer as I fight the sweep of incoming bodies. Hurting, breathless, and trying to hold my shit together while my heart self-implodes.

I get to the door finally, limbs aching and trembling with the effort of keeping myself upright and reach out to grasp the handle as someone grabs my upper arm from behind and pulls me back. I turn instinctively to battle whatever man thinks he can touch me, fierce sweeping over heart break and come face to face with hazel/green eyes under a set brow that takes my breath away and puts me into instant submission.

Arrick doesn’t say anything. He looks at me for a moment and then let’s go of me and shoves his hands into his pockets rather than keep touching me. He shifts from one foot to the other as he looks at anyone else but me and shrugs carelessly.

“I’ll hear you out…Then you need to go. So I can have some space to think.” Closed off, unemotional and distant. He nods at a far booth that is being vacated and I impulsively move to follow. Grasping at this tiny flicker of hope he’s giving me, even if I feel like I have already lost him. I’m crushed inside and clinging on to anything he’s giving me right now, clinging to that glimmer that he cared enough to follow me.

We slide into opposite sides of the table and he leans back, moving to a casual lounging pose that screams ‘back off’ and avoids looking directly at me. My insides start to somersault, and I cast a glance down the bar automatically where he has come from and wonder if maybe, just maybe, he really was here with her. That in his head we were done when he got back to the city and Amanda and he are hooking up. Coldness sweeps through my face as the blood drains from my body and I glance back at him nervously.

No. No. He wouldn’t. I’m being insecure and dumb because he’s not falling over me to get us back on track.

I try and push it down and pick up a beer mat to start picking at instead, trying to hold myself together. Knowing he’s waiting on me to say something, so I scramble my brain for the words. I have never been good at being the talker, I have always relied on him to lead me in every way. It’s so not easy to make the words come out of my mouth.

“I needed thinking space from us, even though it was wrong for me to do that. I see that now. I’ve done nothing but think about everything Arry. Think about you.” I try for sincere, aching to reach out and take his hand he has resting on the table as his other taps on his thigh.

“And?” He seems disinterested, but I know it’s an act. His mask is on and he’s hurting too. I’ve hurt my baby boy.

“I know I have a lot to apologize for, I don’t even know where to start.” Words are evading my crazily blank and terrified brain.

“Maybe I can help with that? Let’s start with how much I do for you, run myself crazy over the world for a year so you can be where you need to be. Do everything I can to make life better for you, and then when shit hits the fan I’m the one you push the fuck away.” The edge to his tone, the low husky veiled anger. I don’t blame him for any of it but at least he’s talking, letting me talk. I won’t recoil into bratty tantrum because he’s not being how he normally is. Arry is the one who always ends our fights and comes after me. The one who relents and lets me have my way for a quiet life. I guess he finally realized it was all for nothing.

“I’m sorry. You’re right about all of that, and so much more.” It’s feeble and weak and glimpsing PA bitch appearing in the background to peek out and scurry back to her brood only makes me more insanely emotional. It’s like she’s waiting for him, giving foundation to the fact that something is going on here.

“I’m sorry too… You were right… We are so not ready for marriage and kids, Sophie…Guess that was a fucking blessing after all. Just as well it came to nothing and nature took care of it nice and cleanly right? Saved you the hassle.”

His words are like a knife to my heart and it’s not the wedding comment, it’s all of it. The sarcasm, Arry basically saying he didn’t want our baby either, callously, and we both know that’s not true at all. He’s dismissing it now, as nothing… A bullet dodged. He’s only trying to hurt me and he’s succeeding.

“Arry, I’m trying, and you are making this so hard. I’m sorry I fucked up and I made a lot of mistakes in the past year. I love you. I need you and you love me too; we can fix things. I didn’t mean anything when I sent you away, other than I needed brain space. I needed to process and come to terms with all of this. I know I failed you and that’s why I came here. To make it right, to tell you I’m sorry.” I grip the edge of the table and will him to look at me but it’s getting impossible to breathe. My normal levelheaded easy to win round man is not acting like someone I know how to deal with. I don’t know what to say or do right now.

“Maybe I’m the one who needs the space now.” He still won’t glance at me and I catch sight of Boobs heading this way and sink inside. She looks determined to intervene and I glance him up and down, second guessing what’s been going on as she comes level with the table.

“Sorry to interrupt, it’s … You left your cell on the table and it keeps ringing. It’s your brother so I figured it must be important.” She holds out his cell to him and he sits up straighter, taking it immediately and starts scrolling the screen with a furrowed brow. I look her up and down in her inappropriately short tight skirt and the fact I can see her black lace bra through her top without any effort.

Slut.

“I need to go call him back. I’ll be back in a minute.” Arrick slides out past her as she stays extremely close so that he almost rubs against her as he does so, and all my alarm cylinders go haywire. I know it could just be her and he’s innocent, like before, but it’s cutting deep, and my insecure jealous psycho side is straining against my will power to come flying out and punch her in the throat.

As soon as he is gone, with her eyes trailing him, she turns back to me with a fake half smile, lingers awkwardly for a minute and then silently wanders off. Like I am of no mere importance to her and now he’s not here she no longer wants to be.

Bitch.

I strum my fingers on the table impatiently, angrily and try to calm my racing thoughts and feelings as they put two and two together to make fifty-three. I need to get a grip and focus on the here and now. I watch her maneuver back through the crowd until she is out of sight and jump when Arrick walks back into my line of vision. Except he’s not walking to me but following Miss. Boobs. across the bar and I gawp in disbelief.

Impulsively, insane jealousy makes me jump up to follow; my heart hammering in my chest and I am close on his heels as he gets to the crowd of people at the table. From my distant pace I spot him catch up with her, tap her on the shoulder as she turns, and he says something to her with a dead pan look on his face. She reaches out and pats his arm affectionally and I see red.

Storming forward to bridge the gap but then lose my fire when he turns back this way and walks towards me, catching sight of me last second and his expression clouds over. I guess he’s registering the look on my face and his mood drops further. In one look he cuts me down. A furious glare that signals he knows what I was thinking of doing and he’s not impressed.

He comes level, catches me by the elbow abruptly and pushes me back the way I came with him with a little more aggression than I think Arry has ever used on me.

“We need to go. You can come or go home, make a choice before I get us a cab.” He mutters at me coldly and even though accusations are poised on my lips concerning Busty over there, I follow him mutely, simmering and keep step with his fast-paced footsteps.