Chapter 16 H I R A E T H 2

[Flashback]

"Tell me who forced you to marry Eunae because the last time I checked, it was you who you wanted to marry her out of your own will." His mother taunted, and it only made him angrier.

"Out of my own will?" Jaehyun scoffed. "Do you honestly think I could just watch the business to crumble down without doing anything? I might have chosen to marry her, but it wasn't out of my own will. It was out of helplessness and desperation!"

"Then you could've told us," his father started with a strained voice. "You could've told us the truth instead of lying that you've been meaning to marry her because you love her. Damn it, Jaehyun! She was like our own daughter too, and you had the audacity to do this?" his father yelled indignantly.

And almost instantly, Jaehyun flinched seeing him shake in anger. Never had he heard him talk in such a manner and never did he see him this exasperated. Steam was practically coming out from his head and was seemingly going to explode any minute from then.

No. Jaehyun had seen his father be this angry before. The day when he beat up Eunae's father black and blue outside of their house, while they kept Eunae and her mother safe inside a room.

Suddenly, Jaehyun could not utter a single word. He knew his parents had been quietly cheering for Eunae to be his partner in life. And that was why telling them that he was in love with her was the easiest way to clear any doubts on his marriage proposal.

He knew they would approve of him marrying someone he did not love for the benefit of their business. They were not that kind of people.

But aside from that, Jaehyun was also too prideful to begin with. He wanted to show his parents he could bring their business back to its glorious days without having to be at mercy of business associates.

He grew up being the reliable son they always had, and he wanted to live with it until their last breaths.

"You should've been honest with us, Jaehyun. You didn't have to fool us this long," his mother said, calming his father down. "You can't imagine how painful it was seeing you ruin yourselves for the past years."

"Wh-at?"

"Do you think we don't know?" she asked painfully. "Jaehyun, we're your parents! We know the both of you, especially you!" she continued with a yell.

"At first, we couldn't believe it. I- and Eunha..., we were in a denial because we knew we never raised you as such. We didn't raise to be this vile, selfish human being. We've been pushing the though away until you brought your assistant everywhere you go and left your Eunae to rot in this place. How could you even call this home? This is a living hell for Eunae."

"Where did we go wrong?" she asked in a broken voice. "Where did we go wrong in raising a decent human being? Are you that fed up with us meddling with your life that you've resorted to this? Is this your way of rebelling? You could've just left Eunae out of this and talked to us. You didn't have to hurt her so much. "

Keeping his gaze solely on his mother who looked devasted, ashamed and hurt, he could only cowardly swallow the lump in his throat, "Mom-"

"Maybe Eunha was right, maybe it's time for us to stop meddling with your life. We've pushed you enough, haven't we?" He was cut off when she looked at him sadly. "From now on, you won't hear anything from us. You're old enough to know what's right from wrong."

And with that, they left without a wink.

Jaehyun could not feel anything but anguish, shame, and remorse. She sounded like she was giving up on him, too.

And at that moment, he could not stop pondering if he made the wrong choice after all. And months after, he found the answer.

Because after three months of Eunae's absence in his life, he found his world crumbling down. His priorities were messed up, his mind had always been somewhere else-his life was just all over the place that he could not even take care of himself.

But one thing did not change.

He still chose to be foolish.

Jaehyun did not want to admit that he needed Eunae in his life more than what he could ever imagined. He did not want to admit that maybe after all those years, all those simple yet deep conversations, all those moments they had shared and everything they had in between, he also irrevocably fell in love with her, too.

He loved her too but was foolish enough not to admit it.

Jaehyun was a fool.

He was too prideful and too stubborn. He kept brushing off the thought and kept his head straight in giving Daeun a happy and fulfilling marriage-the same marriage he failed Eunae to give.

Everything was going well, or that he thought so, until Daeun's miscarriage turned their lives around.

It came as a shock that she had placental previa. She suffered from placental abruption, but did not seek for medical help as soon as possible, worsening her condition.

And it was either Daeun would push through with giving birth at an earlier date which would cost her life, or the baby had to be removed to ensure her safety.

With the quick turn of events, Jaehyun had to choose the most rational yet the most painful decision he could ever do-and that was to choose Daeun-to choose her as always.

The loss of their child wrapped them in unbearable pain, but never did he expect that it would cost their marriage to fall apart.

Jaehyun was dumbfounded on how it even happened when he knew he had always done everything he could to keep their marriage alive.

He had always kept himself busy in giving all his attention to Daeun, who was devastated after losing their baby just as much as he was. He knew did everything he could.

All along he knew he was doing and giving enough until a day came when Daeun slapped him with the truth-that he was, in fact, in love with Eunae all along.

"Let's stop this, Jaehyun. I want a divorce," was everything that rang in his ears over breakfast. It felt so surreal that he even wondered if he was half asleep. "You don't love me anymore."

"I do love you," he countered aghast. "Where is this coming from? I love y-"

"No, you don't," she cut him off, her voice shaking. "You did. I know you did. You loved me, Jaehyun."

"And I still do," exasperated, he sauntered towards her only to stop midway when she held her hand.

"Did I do anything wrong?" he asked softly, close to begging on his knees. "Where did I lack? I'll make it up to you."

Daeun only shook her head before scoffing. "Jaehyun, do you really have to hear this from me? Do I really have to say this?"

"I don't understand-"

"Jaehyun, you love Eunae," she said frustratedly, making him flinch. "You've been in love with Eunae for the longest time I could remember."

Although paralyzed and taken a back, Jaehyun still chose to be stubborn and prideful, just like the man he had always been. "I'm not in love with her. Baby, what are you e-"

"Until when will you deny this to yourself when I can even see it?" she yelled, infuriated. Tears streaming down her face.

"No, that's not the case. I don't love her Daeun, you're the one I love," he assured her, wanting to close the distance between them only to fail once again. He stopped and gestured his hand to reach her. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"That's not the case? You don't love her? What's wrong?" she scoffed.

"Jaehyun, are you even hearing yourself right now?" She harshly wiped her tears with the back of her palm. "Just tell me that you love her because that will hurt less than staying with you and deluding myself that you still love me!"

"Why are you insisting that I love her? I just don't understand!"

Bitterly smiling, she lifted her gaze at the ceiling as if to stop her tears from dripping to her cheeks, "You've always been calling out her name whenever you're sick," she confessed. "You always murmur her name in your sleep. You always do. And one point, I always asked just when you will call mine."

This was something he did not know. Daeun never told him about it. It was not like he could manage to remember them when he had always thought they were just bits and parcels of his lucid dreams.

"Baby, it was probably a mistake," not wanting to stretch the conversation any longer, Jaehyun tried to assure her only to be cut off.

"It's not a mistake when you literally scream her name whenever we're having sex," she reminded him with full bitterness, and by that time, Jaehyun knew he fucked up. He fucked up since long time ago. "Drunk or sober, you do scream her name Jaehyun. It was always Eunae-fucking always."

"And that's not all. Do you think I'm not aware of how you bore your eyes on that wedding ring she left? How you look at it every single night you thought I was asleep?" with a bitter mocking laugh, Daeun continued.

"How you roll it in your hands and caress it with your fingers as if you wanted to remember how she used to wear it? Do you think I don't notice how disappointed you are to see me in the kitchen once you got home? We both know, you're always expecting it was Eunae to welcome you."

Jaehyun put his head down and stared at the floor. All along, he thought he had been good in hiding; in pushing away the happy weird feeling whenever Eunae crossed his mind; in keeping his façade of being happy in this marriage he was in.

He was a fool for thinking that he had successful in keeping it to himself when at the back of his mind he was even doubting his own stunts.

He was caught off guard when Daeun cupped his cheeks. He did not even notice her getting up from her seat and had already walked towards him.

"It's time for us to do the right thing, Jaehyun," she softly said, before smiling through her tears. "Go after her."

Suddenly, his eyes began sweating and his throat began burning. He could not stop wondering why this had to happen to the three of them.

Why did they have to end up hurting each other before realizing what they really yearned for. It pissed him off how life played with their lives and foolish they were to play along with it.

"I'm so sorry," he finally said with quivering lips, almost as if admitting to all the accusations she threw at him.

"No, it's okay. I'm happy to be loved by you, Jaehyun," she said, encasing him in a hug. "I'm happy to have met you and," she trailed off before swallowing hard. "And I'm sorry too."

For the rest of the day, they civilly talked as how things would go. They arranged the schedules to meet their lawyers and decided the conditions for their divorce. Daeun has also packed her things and opted to leave the house.

The sundown was already painting the skies as he walked her to her car when she abruptly tugged his arm, looking dazed. "There's one thing you should know. Eunae...Eunae never took advantage of your family's financial problems to marry you."

"What do you mean?"

"I was wrong when I saw her talking to your business partners. I thought she was bribing them to throw your business under the bus...but she wasn't," Daeun looked everywhere, but him as she continued.

"It was true that she met with your business partners, but it was to beg them to invest. I even saw her humbly kneeling down in front of the Lee Corporation to sign the business proposal she brought."

And just then, all Jaehyun could see was red.

How could he not, when he threw everything he had with Eunae after being fed up with malicious thoughts of what she might had done against him and his family?

There were pictures Daeun gave him right before the wedding ceremony that even fueled his suspicions, and much more when she urged him to call their business partners to confirm if Eunae had ever really dropped by in their offices, which she really did.

How could he not be angry he had been living a life full of lies? Of blaming and hating on Eunae for something she did not even do?

"What about the pictures you gave?" his eyes dilated and a muscle in his jaw ticked. "Did you deliberately feed me lies all these years?"

Daeun merely looked away, "I-I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, Jaehyun, but you have to understand that I love you and I don't want you to leave me. I did it for us-"

"You did it for yourself," he interrupted with loathe dripping from his tone. "You love me, but you lied to me? I fucking trusted you." he scoffed. "Was it fun playing with my life?"

Instead of hearing any response, only sobs were the answers he heard. Usually, he would have tone down his voice and calmed himself.

But this time, he only got more furious wanting to get the answers behind all her deceptions.

"And you just stood there, and fucking watched as I blamed Eunae for all the things she wasn't responsible of even if you knew the truth? You had me cut any strings with the person you knew I had always treasured more than anything in this world just to get what you wanted? You surely had fun watching our friendship go down to the pits of hell, hadn't you?"

To say that he was fuming would have been an understatement. Jaehyun felt his body vibrate with anger that it was almost as if he was going to explode any time soon. Being lied to by the person whom he trusted infuriated him but breaking his bond with Eunae was just on a different level that consequently pained him.

However, what perturbed him the most was breaking his own best friend-it was breaking her-it was breaking Eunae.

For those two years, all he ever did was to loathe her, hurt her-give her all the things she did not deserve, not even a single bit of any of it.

He felt his stomach bitterly churn knowing he was wrong-he had been wrong for choosing to believe Daeun whom he just met in college and fell in love with, over Eunae, his best friend whom he knew all his life and wanted nothing but the best for him.

"Leave," he commanded with a very strained voice. "Don't you dare ever come back."

"I know," Daeun mumbled almost incoherently. "Goodbye and I'm sorry," was everything he could remember before he was blinded with rage as he threw everything his hands could reach.

Suddenly, the crashing of things was only the sound his ears could ever hear as the mixture of anger, guilt, and regret filled his senses and unending questions whirled his head. He could not believe what he had done to Eunae-to turn his back against her and throw away everything they built together.

Just how could he loathe her when all she ever did was to give do what was best for him? Just how could he watch her suffer from his wrath? Just how could he hurt her?

"Fuck."

As weakness wrapped him whole, Jaehyun slumped back, helplessly staggering for a brief instance before eventually falling to the cold floor in a harsh thud.

"F-fuck," was all he could muster to mutter before his weeping and incessant sobbing drowned his voice.

A bitter laugh escaped from his mouth, and for a moment, he thought that even sanity would soon depart him. He felt like he was turning into a mad man, remembering everything that had happened in his life.

He was having the time of his life standing by Eunae's side and protecting her from all the monsters who would try to hurt her only to find out that a few years later, he himself turned into one.

And probably the worst of all, was he was the most evil and destructive monster to ever show up in her life. The monster she was not and would never be ready to battle with.

The lone monster she would never think of saving herself from. He was the only monster who managed to tear her into irreparable fragments.

Looking back, he was even worse than her father, who was not able to break her. She may have cried over what her father did, she may have despised him to pieces, she may have threw everything that connected them, and she may have disowned him, but in Jaehyun's case, it was different.

He never saw her cried over him nor over what he did against her. She never loathed him. She never chose to turn her back against him and throw away everything they had.

Eunae had always chose to stay.

And that was probably what was more wounding-it was realizing she solitarily suffered and took everything on her own; withstanding all the emotional, physical, and mental tortures he gave her until she eventually lost herself.

Jaehyun did not only break her, he erased every teensy bit of what made her who she was-every character she had, every belief she held onto, every principle she lived by.

He took everything from her until she got nothing left to even identify herself.

That was day he last saw Daeun, and the last time everyone saw the Jaehyun they knew.

Because when the sun rose the next morning, Jaehyun woke up as nothing but a hollow dead man in the inside.

[End of flashback]

As the past decided to haunt him all at once like a big crashing wave that swept him off his feet and hit him with a force of a swerving truck, Jaehyun basked in his agony once again. Slumped in the cold floor in the middle of his dark and lonely house.

This had been his usual routine ever since that day came.

To drink to his heart's content until he found himself lost into oblivion and let his past unravel before him. To let the pain seep into his bones, into every vesicle, into every tiny single space in his body.

To wallow in his concealed wounding past full of regretful decisions, and shameful actions. To find himself too numb to feel any kind of pain after being exhausted from the constant emotional torture and be hollow once again.

This had been his only way to relieve what he was feeling as Jaehyun never let his sturdy guards down and cry before anyone.

Never.

He chose to suffer alone, exactly like what Eunae did with the constant unwavering tortures he gave her. He chose this.

He chose to be like this, because at the back of his mind, all he could ever think of was this was what he deserved-to be broken open, to suffer alone, to be woken up by shame, to sleep with regrets, to live in agony, and to die with a broken heart.

It might be twisted, but he knew he had always deserved this-Jaehyun knew he probably deserved even more than this.