Chapter 19 S A U D A D E

S A U D A D E

(Portuguese) (n.) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; "the love that remains"

"Mark, stop running! I told you, no running once we arrive."

Just then, the front door burst open with Eunha walking inside the house. A little boy running and leaping by her side excitedly and looking so pumped up.

"Sorry, grandma," The little boy said sheepishly. He scanned the house and quickly ran towards them, rendering Jaehyun stupefied. "Mommy!"

And just then, the world seemed to stop.

"I missed you, mommy!" The little boy continued to chirp. He even jumped into Eunae's arms excitedly.

"Oh sweetie, mommy missed you too. Were you with grandma all along?"

"Yes! We were supposed to surprise you-oops," he stopped midway and covered his mouth with his hand. He gave her a grin before looking at him. "Who is he, Mommy?"

From his height, Jaehyun had an impression that the little boy might be five to seven years old. Jaehyun was not entirely surely, but his guts told him so.

Baffled, he looked at the little boy with dark brown eyes a few more glances before noting how he exactly looked like Eunae. He got her lips and her nose, even her auburn hair.

Their uncanny similarities almost looked like he was a younger version of her.

Suddenly, the idea of having a child with her punched him in the gut.

Could it be his?

Guilt, almost immediately, shattered in his chest as the possibility of the answer being a yes pained him. Did she just have him suffer alone once again?

"Sweetie let Mommy introduce you to him," Eunae said, pulling him back to reality. "Jaehyun, I'd like you to my son, Mark. Mark meet uncle Jaehyun, he's mommy's best friend."

With a whirling mind, Jaehyun just stared at the little boy before him.

"Hello! Nice to meet you, uncle Jaehyun!" The little boy ecstatically greeted.

And from the little boy's tone, Jaehyun eventually recovered hearing the same ecstatic tone he used to listen to years ago. The little boy did not only look like her, he also got her traits.

"I'm Mark, I'm mommy's favorite because we look alike," the little boy boasted. "We're twins!"

"Nice to meet you too, Mark," Jaehyun chuckled, bending down to meet the little boy's gaze who entangled himself from Eunae and jumped to the ground.

Raking his long fingers through the little boy's hair, who was now hugging him tightly, a surge of warmness and hope shot up to his heart. His ticker was pounding relentlessly underneath his chest as she looked at Eunae who began tearing up with her hands covering her mouth.

"How old is he?"

"He-"

Suddenly pain pressed in waves and Jaehyun felt his heart sank to his stomach.

Cold sweat ran and trickled down his neck before his lungs eventually gave out. He could barely feel the little boy jumped out from his hug as he was too frozen and too numb to feel anything. His senses halting from functioning as the painful words rang in his ears.

Seemingly not having any choice, his eyes just brokenly followed the little boy who was running excitedly towards the front door.

"Daddy!" Mark yelled at the top of his lungs, throwing himself at the unfamiliar tall man standing by the door.

"Sehun?"

Jaehyun's head immediately snapping towards Eunae who looked incredulously shocked, making him feel so lost as ever.

"Buddy, grandma said no running," the man said, scooping the little boy up in his arms before eventually sauntering towards them with a beam.

"Oh my god!" Eunae almost yelled, abruptly standing up from the bench.

Suddenly, everything just seemed to shatter in front of him. The future he had always looked forward to had turned into tiny irreparable glass shards that pooled in his feet.

Swallowing the lump in his throat and biting the tears he felt was coming up, Jaehyun stood up from the ground and looked at the man whose arms were wrapped around Eunae's waist.

As the realization hit him hard like a harsh big wave that knocked him off his feet, Jaehyun knew it was over-it had long been over.

"How's my beautiful wife been doing?" Jaehyun heard the man asked, brushing his lips on the top of Eunae's head before looking down at her with sparkling eyes.

"And my two little angels?" He added, rubbing his palms against her stomach.

"We're doing fine, Sehun," Eunae grunted. "Why didn't you tell me you're coming over? I thought you'll be staying with Mark in New York?"

"I can't keep my eyes and hands off my wife and beautiful angels, can I?"

"Sehun, it's only for a week."

"My little sunset, a day without you was already a torture. How would you expect me to stay still and wait for a goddamn week?

"Language, Mr. Oh," she reprimanded him with a stern voice. "The babies might hear you."

"Daddy's sorry little rainbows," the man said. He crouched down and kissed her stomach above the fabric of her blouse, making her giggle.

Standing up, he captured her lips in a chaste kiss before grinning ever so mischievously, leaning to her ear, and whispering ever so softly just for her to hear, "Daddy's sorry too, little sunset."

Jaehyun scrunched his brows as soon as Eunae slapped the man's arm. Her cheeks dazzled with a bright shade of red as she yelled, "Oh, shut up will you!"

And just then, blood seemed to run out from his veins as his heart eventually stopped pumping. Tears burned his eyes like acid, and he did not know what to do but to keep them at bay.

Bitterness and pain shattered in his chest like shards of sharp glasses, but he still managed to stretch his lips into a smile.

"Ah-sorry, I got too distracted," Eunae squeaked abashedly, "By the way, Sehun this is Jaehyun, the best friend I'm taking about," she started. The man named Sehun extended his hand before him for a polite handshake which he received. "Jaehyun meet Sehun, my husband."

"Nice to meet you, Jaehyun."

"Likewise," was Jaehyun's only brief reply, bobbing his head as acknowledgement before pulling back his hand.

"Oh and-Mark! Come here for a little while sweetie," she said, as the little boy once again came back running in high speed. "This is Mark and he's four years old. He's just too tall for his age," she said sheepishly before looking at Sehun and snorting. "Probably got his genes from his father," she scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"Jeez, he already got your lips and hair and nose, why are you still jealous he got my height?"

"Because he has your eyes too!"

"And? He got your traits too, you know."

"Mommy, daddy don't fight," the little boy went in between and hugged her waist. "I love you two, but you're still my favorite, mommy."

"See!" Sehun said exasperatedly, chuckling as he shook his head. "Come on, he even favors you more than me."

Eunae only crossed her arms over her chest and pouted, "Hmph."

Just then, the once loud noises eventually faded out.

A dark void took over his mind and his soul, and Jaehyun could just only look blankly at the picture before him of a small, happy family, and a dream coming true. Eunae's own family-her dream coming to life.

Pain pierced through his heart, remembering the wishful thinking he had always been having for the last seven years-of building a family with Eunae-a family she could call her own with him by his side.

Suddenly, Jaehyun felt almost like he was at the wrong side of the cigarette. The sensation of his lips burning with the imagination of the same scenario before him coming to life, but with him standing in Sehun's spot.

The imagination that would always stay as an imagination. A mere wishful fantasy he could never had any longer.

Keeping his gaze focused on the woman he loved the most, smiling brighter than the sun ever could, Jaehyun knew she was happy-very much happy to say the least.

He had never seen her this happy before.

Not even during the times he thought that they were having the time of their lives. Not even those days where he brought her to the amusement park or played basketball.

Not even those summer vacations in the beach where they spent the whole week burying themselves in the sand and exposing their bodies to the sun. Not even when they were standing before the altar and exchanging their vows.

He might had seen her happy, but not like this.

Not to the extent that tears pricked her eyes with happiness. Not to the point where he could even see her heart in her eyes.

Not to the level where the sounds of her laughter and giggle were filled with so much love and genuineness that he for sure would never forget. Not to the degree where she was looking like flying freely above the clouds.

She was now happy. Eunae had now certainly found her happiness-took a hold of it, and had no plans of ever letting it go, and he knew he was in no position to take it away from her, not again, never.

A tug on his wrist sucked him back to reality, with the little boy giving him a goofy smile.

"Uncle, let's play," the little boy said, smiling wolfishly while holding a ball. "Do you play basketball? Mommy said she played basketball with you before."

Swallowing the lump from his throat, Jaehyun crouched down to meet the little boy's eyes before ruffling his hair and scooping him in his arms. He looked just exactly like her.

"I surely do, mate," Jaehyun chirped, spending the rest of the day dribbling the ball as he played with the little boy.