Humiliating
Emily’s Pov
I woke up in Blakes’s enormous bed with him nowhere to be seen. I pulled the blanket and wrapped it around my naked body and made my way downstairs.
Blake is busy working out and I can’t help by stare at him.
He caught me staring and just carried on. I can’t help but shake the feeling that he regrets what happened last night.
“Are you okay?” I asked, but he didn’t answer.
“Blake?”
“Yes, I made a pot of coffee. I’m sure you need to get to work,” he answered without looking at me.
“Did I do something wrong? Or are you treating everyone like this the next morning you had sex with women?” I challenged him.
“What?” He asked and stop hitting the bag.
“You hurt me.” I can feel my veins boiling. He’s being disrespectful. I know he doesn’t know emotions, but I thought we had a breakthrough last night.
“So, you think you can break through me last night, and just expect me to be a normal fucking human being after one night of emotional sex?” he glares at me, his face shining from the exercise.
“Okay, I’ve heard enough. I will show myself out.” I went to the bedroom and changed into my clothes. When I returned, Blake was still busy punching the bag.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“To my apartment, then work. Didn’t you just tell me I need to get to work?” I’m having so much anger inside me now that it’s impossible to hide what I’m feeling right now.
“You showed me how to have emotions last night, so let me show you how to have no emotions. Put on the gloves.” he throw the gloves at me and turned around to put his back on.
“Excuse me?” I asked shocked, he’s showing anger and I’m not sure if I want to have any training while he looks and feels like this.
“You heard me, Emily. Didn’t you come to me to train you, to defeat your stepfather and stop being weak?” he glares at me, waiting for me to respond.
“You’re just being a jerk now.” That’s all I could say. He moved closer to me, his face inches away from me.
“Do you want to stay weak for the rest of your life or learn how to fight?” I hate the word weak, so I picked up my fist without the glove to hit him, but he caught my hand.
“Your weak, Emily,” he says again, making me angrier than what I want to feel.
“What are you doing?”
“Training you,” he answered.
“I thought you said I shouldn’t show emotions when I’m fighting, but you’re just making me angry. Why?” he turned around, not answering me.
“Blake?” I called him back when he walked into the room.
“Hit me, Emily, or yet the fuck out of here.” My eyes started to water.
“I guess you are your father’s son. Thank you for making me feel like shit.” I threw him with the gloves and walked out of the front door.
The rain is pouring outside, and at this moment, I’m struggling to keep my emotions in place. I slept with him and that’s how he treated me this morning.
He was so gently last night and this morning he treats me like a Whore who annoyed him for being in his apartment, I’ve been assaulted in my life before and abused and hurt, but no one ever made me feel like a whore before, well not that anyone ever had the change to do so. I grab my face with my hands and felt the shame taking over my body with every second I realise I gave him my virginity and he probably didn’t give a shit. He basically admitted that’s what he does, and I let him do it to me.
How could I have been so stupid? It’s like I’m a magnet for people to abuse and hurt me.
I finally made it to my apartment without taking a taxi. All I did was judge myself while walking to my apartment, and I’m soaking wet.
I guess I can say goodbye to ever training with him again, not that I want to. I should’ve gone with my gut.
No strings attached.
I dressed in my work clothes and patch up my blue eye with make-up. I have 10minutes left before my shift starts, and for once I’m actually glad I’m working a double shift. It will take my mind off of Blake and the way he hurt me.
I get butterflies every time I think about how I felt last night, but it was all a fake, a fake for him. For me, it was magic, but I guess magic only exists in Disney movies, or in someone’s delusional mind.
I grabbed my coffee mug and took a taxi to the ED. Luckily no one notices my blue eye, and Linda was so busy with all the emergency calls that came in that we didn’t have time to even chat. I avoided most of them and took lunch by myself, where I would usually join the other nurses, but not today, today I need to drown in my own sorrow and shame for what happened.
I can still feel his hands on my body, the passion and connection we shared. Why would he treat me like that this morning? Or maybe all women he has been with feel like that and gets rejected the next morning.
“There you are,” Linda calls, and my mood drops to the floor.
“So, Michell asked if you’re seeing someone and I told him I’m not sure, he wants to take you to the Hospital 12 year celebration tonight, but I wasn’t sure if you and Blake.”
“No, there is no Blake and me.” I cut her short.
“Tell him I will go with him.” She smiled, and I gave her a fake smile back and regret the decision I just made.
“Okay, so get your ass home and put on a sexy dress.”
I sigh and went home to get ready. I actually don’t want to go, but I can’t keep hiding behind closed doors.
I changed into a black dress and curled my hair perfectly. My silver stilettos will have to do.
I looked at myself one more time in the mirror before I took a taxi back to the hospital.
“Wow you look stunning,” Linda said, in front of Michell flickering her eyes. I laughed and thanked her. The hospital boardroom is packed with people. I tried making my way to the cocktail bar and trying to forget why I agreed to come. Blue balloons are hanging out of the ceiling and silver drapes hanging from one side to the other side. The lights are dim and there is soft music playing in the background. Everyone is cheerful with a few couples that are dancing slow. Linda left me as usual and ran for the food.
“you do look nice,” Michell said with a smile, and what an adorable smile he has.
“Thank you,” I said and returned with a smile. He has a navy blue suit on with a white shirt and black tie. His shoes matched his tie.
“Can I get you a drink?” My eyes are focused on the door when Blake and Vicky entered the room. His eyes hooked on mine, and I couldn’t look away. It feels like a knife is twisting inside my stomach, but I quickly recovered and looked away.
“You ok?” Michell asked me.
“Yes, and yes, I would love to have a drink,” he smiled, and we made our way to the cocktail bar. I avoid making eye contact with Blake but failed miserably when Vicky laughed out loud, for reasons I don’t even want to know. Blake’s arms are hooked around her waist and I instantly regret looking at them. The jealousy I feel is heating my face, and I can kick myself for coming tonight.
“Do you want to dance?” I asked Michell and regretted it the moment the words leave my mouth.
“Yes, that would be nice.” He took my hand, and we walked to the dance floor. I can feel Blake’s eyes on me, but this time I’m not looking. Michell and I were having 2 slow dances before they announce that dinner should be ready any minute.
“You Ok?” Linda whispered when they called Blake to speak about the sponsors the kickboxing club was donating. Everyone is hanging on his lips for the sponsor of the new equipment for the ED. I’m sure he did it to spite me.
Everyone praised him and he walked straight down towards where I’m standing with Michell and Linda.
“You look lovely,” He said with whiskey in his hand.
“Thank you,” I manage to say. He’s staring at me with blazing eyes. I blinked a few times to gain my sanity before I fall for his charming beautiful looks again. Vicky notices the tension and hooked her arms around him.
I cursed in my mind and just gave her a sarcastic smile. I leaned in a little closer to Michell and Blake’s eyes went wide.
“excuse me,” I said and walked out onto the balcony. The wind is freezing.
I should’ve put on a jacket, but the fresh air is clearing my mind and I feel like I can breathe again. Before I heard a noise, I had to breathe and exhale a few times. I turned around to see Blake tripping over the side table by the long sleeper couch that is standing on the balcony.
“fuck” He cursed
“You ok?” I ask, but he ignores me and down another drink.
“don’t you think that you’ve had enough?”
“What are you, my mother?” He muffles back, and I want to punch him for being so disrespectful.
“fine I will leave you to it.” and just as I was about to go in, he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.
“What are you doing?” He asked. His eyes are swollen from all the booze and he can barely stand up straight.
“let go of me,” I asked, but he tightens his grip.
“Not till you tell me what you are doing?” I flinch and he lets go of me.
“I don’t know what you are talking about.” he started laughing and I want to yell at him.
“Are you trying to make me jealous?”
“What?” I said, knowing very well that I did try to make him jealous.
“you need to go home and sober up.”
“you don’t get to tell me what to do,”
“Clearly,” I said underneath my breath.
“What?” He said, his eyes focus on my dress.
“Nothing. I don’t have the energy to fight with you.”
“So why are you?” He asked, this time with a soft voice. This man will be the death of me. I cannot keep up with his moods.
“Stay with me,” he asked and every bone in my body wants to turn around and run for the heels, but I nod and we sat down on the bench.
“Don’t you think that dress is too tight?” He looks at me, biting his lip, but still insulting me, I think.
“Are you insulting me? Or just being yourself?”
He smiled, and I want to punch him in the face.
“Why does it bother you what I’m wearing? besides Vicky’s dress is way shorter than mine.” I tried to make a space between us as much as I can but he keeps gliding closer.
“I don’t care how she dresses, I care about how you dress.”
“Oh, please,” I let out and half-laugh.
“You made it pretty clear that you don’t care about me, besides if you don’t like the way I’m dressed, then don’t look at me,” I feel pissed and for once I don’t care what he thinks about me.
“Don’t you get it, Em, it’s because I care?”
I can feel the air leaving my lungs again. Why does he have to be so complicated? One minute he is cheerful, the next he bites my head off, then all of a sudden he is charming.
“Don’t,” I said to him and he leans closer. His face touching mine.
“Why not?” He asks, his eyes are soft. I can smell the booze on his lips. He takes his lip in between his teeth and touched my face. I close my eyes and try not to think much, my heart racing again and I try to just go with it, but then a sudden voice reminds me that he is here with Vicky, as what he did this morning is unforgivable.
“What’s wrong?” he asks as I stand up.
“Nothing I have to go”
“Emily?” he calls, but I ignore him and run inside. I passed Linda and Michell. I can see Linda being paranoid when Blake came rushing behind me.
“Em?” Blake calls again. I stormed out and made my way to the flat. I closed the door and lay down on my bed. My phone buzzed on the dresser but I ignore it. Just as I close my eyes, it starts buzzing again.
“Dammit” I let out. The caller Id says, Blake. I pressed the decline button and lay down on my bed again. My phone buzzes again. This time it’s Linda.
“hey,” she said over the phone.
“Hey” I sigh while plotting down on the bed.
“Are you ok?” she asks, her voice sounding worried.
“Yes, I’m ok “
“Ok, you want to talk about it?”
I kept quiet and let out a heavy sigh.
“Call me if you want to talk, okay?”
“I will,” and I smiled at the gesture before I hang up.
Blake seemed jealous tonight, but I know it’s just an act. He fools around and the moment he lets the beast out of him; he turns into a jerk again. How does he do that? How can he play with people’s feelings like that? I know the girls like it, but I am not any girl and I refuse to be trapped in his web. I undress and took a quick shower.
I dress in pyjamas and lay down on my bed again. I tried watching a movie, but my thoughts were full of Blake.
I can’t seem to get him out of my head. Even in his drunken state, he managed to be sexy and charming. The movie is not making sense at all and I finally drift off to sleep.
