38
"Ma ...." a strange tremor immediately filled my heart when I heard Mama's question to me.
When I looked at him his eyes were very serious. There is no trace of any emotion there. Reason for me to be even more nervous.
"Are you pregnant?" without emotion, mama repeated his question. Then I became even more nervous.
"I-I don't know ..." I said softly while I couldn't look mama straight in the eyes anymore.
"What?" seems unbelievable what mama said to me.
"I-I'm taking pills—" I said but I immediately stopped talking when my mom handed me a small bag.
And the moment that I accept it and looked what's inside, I immediately looked straight into my mother's eyes.
"Ma ..." I said softly in a way that seemed to ask.
"Use it. Let's see if you're pregnant." mama said and I don't know but I seem to have seen something sparkle in her eyes when she said the word "Pregnant".
"Mom, I told you I'm not. I'm taking pills." when I repeat.
"Just try it, son. Please. It's for your own sake. If it's negative, it's okay."
"What if it's positive?" I asked even though I knew the outcome was negative.
"Then we have to do something. Come on I'll go outside, try it." After mama said that, she left immediately.
I, on the other hand, slowly sat down on the toilet bowl and seemed to be floating staring at the three pregnancy tests in my palm.
I don't know, why I'm nervous when I know that negatives will come out. I'm sure I took pills every after something happened to Aius and me.
A few more minutes later I just sighed and none of my own started reading all the instructions on the container. After I read that I immediately started to do that as well.
Ang then that's it. The first pregnancy test says that I am not pregnant, it has only one red line. Then the second one is just like the first one. Your negative.
I just put the rest of the pregnancy test kit in my palm and I'm still wondering if I'll try it again. It's clear from my two previous tests that I'm not pregnant so why try the other one, right? Shoul I try again? Or not?
But then I ended uo choosing the later, I did try the third one. There's something inside me because it motivates me to try again, as if someone is protesting inside me that I should use or repeat the test again.
And then after a minute I don't know, I'm done trying. And I also know that there is a result but I don't seem to want to see it, e. Doesn't the result seem good? I do not know.
"Sariel, son? What's taking you so long?" Mama seemed bored and couldn't wait to see the result so I was knocked.
That's why I was upset when I looked at the result of the last pregnancy test in my hand.
And the moment my eyes saw the result my heart started beating so fast inside my chest to the point that it hurts. I feel mixed emotions. I don't know, it's like I'm afraid I don't know.
Until I didn't realize that tears were already dripping from my eyes. Tears that I do not know for what reason. I don't know if this is a tears of happiness? Sadness? Fears? Or whatever.
"Sariel, come out." si mama. Not on my own I went out of the bathroom and as soon as my feet stepped outside I immediately got on my knees as well. I’m softening for some reason.
"Sariel!" Mama immediately helped me stand up and then led me to sit on the chair.
"What's the result?" seems to be naeexcite says mama. I handed him two PTs with negative results.
I stared at mama's reaction as she looked at the result of the two PTs and I don't know, I'm not sure if I really saw the depression in her eyes after seeing the negative results. The sparkle in his eyes suddenly disappeared, his shoulders were just a little drooping too much.
I just stared at mama, watching her every reaction. But the moment mama also looked at me, she immediately smiled. Smile as if strained. I know his eyes are trying to put life and fun, but sadly it didn't happen.
"Ma?" I asked in response to his reaction.
"A-ah ... Haha it's okay, maybe someday you will. It's okay, it's okay." He said over and over. And I don't if she's telling that to me or to herself. She looked like she's comforting herself, eh.
"Oh, by the way, the showing of your movie on Aius is coming soon, isn't it? When was that?" mama changed the subject after a few minutes of silence.
"Next month please." I said
"Ah, it's close. Go home to the Philippines for the show." said mom
"Yes? I'm not going home anymore, maybe."
"And why is that?" si mama
"I plan to go home to the Philippines once papa's operation is done, eh—"
"What ?!" mama immediately said that she seemed very shocked.
"Ma?" I asked in astonishment.
"I mean ... why don't you go home, son, your presence is important." Sabi is mom. And I don't know why he seems to be forcing me to go home.
"I'll wait for dad's operation." I said again.
"I can handle that again son." said mom.
"But, mama, I haven't seen the donor yet, I haven't even been able to thank him." I said.
"I told you, son. I already said thanks to her, I told her how much I'm thankful to her kindness. You don't have to worry—"
"Why do I feel like you're pushing me away, mama?" I seriously cut him off from what he was saying. Because to be honest I can't get her point, I already know that she has thanked me, but I still want to thank the donor whoever she is.
"What? Of course not, son."
"Then why do you want me to go back to the Philippines already?" high eyebrows I said. I don't know if I'm annoyed, e.
"What? It's not like that, son, okay? I'm just saying that your presence is important for the showing, do you have a signing? Then don't you think about Aius? He's your boyfriend right? You'll let him attend there too -isa? You must be there after all you're his leading lady in the movie. " mama's long explanation.
"But—"
"No more buts, another operation can be performed when you get back here again, and maybe at that time you're with Aius, it would be better, son." smiling mama said.
"Ma—" I was cut off again when my cellphone rang, which was in my hand.
And as I looked at it, I already knew that Jared is calling me again. I sighed that was answered and then I stood up to go out.
"I'll just take this call, ma." I told mama then started walking out the door.
"What now, Jared?" I immediately opened up to Jared.
"Uhm ... can we meet now?" he answered from the other line.
"Now? As in now?" I'm sure.
"Ah, no. I mean today, maybe afternoon? After lunch? If you're not busy?" Jared's question answer.
"What's the exact time? Where?"
"I'll just send you, the details if it's okay. I'm still looking for a good place."
"Alright." I said and I was right that Jared's call would have been turned off when I heard him speak.
"Sariel, I'm sorry ..." Jared said.
"Stop saying sorry, Jared. Will you? It's already done. How many times have you apologized and it's annoying—" I said annoyed but he cut me off immediately.
"No, I mean I'm still sorry. Gonna hang up now. See you later."
"Okay—" I hadn't finished what I was about to say when he rudely dropped the call. And it's irritating the heck out of me!
Annoyed, I entered Dad's room.
"I'm so..so ... so ... Happy for you son !!" as soon as my foot stepped inside, Mama immediately greeted me with a tight hug from mama.
"W-what?" confused I said. What's wrong with her? He just seemed sad then now?
"My fun, son. Congrats." mama's emotional expression. And to be honest she's creeping me out.
"What are you saying—" I couldn't finish what I was going to say to mama when I saw her holding one hand!
Shit !! It's the pregnancy test with positive result! Shit! I forgot!
"Ma ... I'm still not sure about that. The two are negative." I immediately defended.
"Even though I'm still happy, then I have a strong feeling that this one is true. I'll have grandchildren!" mama said happily.
"Ma what are you? We're not sure yet." I said.
"No. Just check up tomorrow or later. Wait a minute I'll buy you some fruit." after he said no, he immediately left Papa's room.
"Ma—" I couldn't stop him from leaving because he was already overtaking someone who was chasing something because of the speed with which he disappeared in front of me.
I was tempted to go to my dad's bed and sit on the chair there.
To be continued...
