40

KIYAN

Such a damn shit!

There was this beautiful girl half lying on my body, breathing so calmly and evenly that I realized exactly how safe and secure she felt in my arms, but she shouldn't...

She was too good for me, I too bad for her, but I didn't have the strength to resist her attraction.

She kept giving me that look like I was something special, but she was the reason why I just felt so good. She gave me more than I could ever have expected. Showed understanding for my coldness, came after me despite my misbehaving, wanted me even though I couldn't take myself anymore...

How was that possible? What did she see in me and my broken existence?

I carefully pulled my arm out from under her head and then covered her up before getting up and pulling on my boxer shorts. One last look at her and I took my phone out of my jacket pocket to see 10 missed calls and several messages from Chloe.

Where are you? Do you actually know how long I've been waiting for you?

Kiyan, please get in touch! I need you!

You fucking bastard! Get your damn ass over here or I'll tell your little bitch everything!

I put the phone back in my jacket pocket, grabbed my stuff and, cursing inwardly, disappeared into the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror.

Mia... my little Mia... how should I explain everything to her and then expect her to stay with me?

I couldn't let her know the truth, because with that unique sex, the many kisses, and my asking if she wanted to go with me, I had made her a promise of my fidelity and I wasn't going to let that happen anymore we would lose each other Whatever the cost...

I jumped in the shower, enjoying the last night all over again at the thought of her and her body, but all this shit outside of our little world kept throwing me into chaos.

Totally torn between whether I should just tell her that I was an absolute bad person or whether I should continue to hide it from her, I leaned my back against the light colored tiles behind me and closed my eyes, but the opening of the door made me look up again.

"Hey," Mia whispered and opened the cabin door completely naked, causing her to blush again when she saw me. How could someone who looked so perfect be ashamed in front of others? If I were a woman and looked like this, I would only walk around naked on the beach...

"Come here," I gave her my hand and pulled her under the warm water to banish Chloe and my past from my mind. In front of me was my brown-haired future, who examined me with her green eyes and whose embarrassment was evident every second.

"Did you sleep well?" I then asked her, rolling her over so that her flawless back was to me.

"Yes, thank you. How about you?" she asked politely as she was, while I took her fruit-scented shampoo to rub gently into her hair.

"I've never slept better," I replied with a smile and felt her twitch slightly. She was always so sweetly overwhelmed when complimented, but I really wanted her to finally start to understand how amazing she is... and it was the truth, after all.

With her, for the first time in years, I felt loved, protected and needed, which I had missed for so long.

"Who's coming to the party today?" she then asked softly and casually, turning back to me and looking at me curiously.

I knew she was asking about Chloe and I wanted to reassure her immediately. Even though Chloe was a part of me and my past, I wouldn't let her feel uncomfortable about her anymore.

"Surely just the boys and that Mandy," I replied, then took the shower gel to spread some on my hands and start lathering them on her shoulders. I noticed her breathing quickened the further I stroked my hands down and when I got to her breasts she blushed again and opened her sweet mouth to softly moan.

Fuck man! How could someone so innocent trigger such excitement in me. I had used my last condom tonight and didn't want to take any chances, but I wasn't going to let her walk out of here unsatisfied.

I slowly ran my fingers down her stomach, cupping her body to turn her around again and pull her back against me. I then slowly stroked her middle while she braced herself with her hands on the wall.

"Kiyan," she breathed softly, and the way and tone of voice she softly moaned my name made me shit on everything. I would buy the morning-after pill because I had to feel it without a gum. I was just a man and she was pure desire.

I rubbed her tender spot in circles, kissing her wet back, and then leaned her forward a little to rub my cock at her center and slowly slide it inside her.

She cramped slightly, but I pushed her legs a little further apart with my knee to let myself slide deep into her with my eyes closed.

"Shit, do you feel horny," I groaned, letting my head fall back to feel the warm water lapping my face.

I held her waist, pushed deep into her in a slow rhythm, enjoyed her loud, horny moans and then pulled her up to mine to bite her neck lightly.

"Moan my name," I breathed and she did, making my cock even harder inside her and I could have come right away but waited for my climax.

I picked up speed, moving constantly inside her, and she grabbed my hair with one hand to tug at it lightly.

You naughty girl...

"Kiyan....", she moaned loudly one last time and I felt her muscles contract around my hardness, only to then come to orgasm deep inside her, breathing heavily.

This girl was going to be my downfall, because I wouldn't break her heart, she would break mine, because she already had it firmly in her hands.

"I love you," it suddenly escaped me without warning and I felt the rigidity into which she then fell because she stopped breathing and also stopped moving.

Shit I'm a total idiot!

"I still have to see Zayn," he said quickly, almost stumbling out of the shower to hurriedly get dressed.

"Wait," I said, holding out my hand, which he looked at briefly before hesitantly taking it in his.

What was the matter with him? He was acting all short tempered and hysterical, even though he had just confessed to me that he loved me. I felt the same way about him, but when I looked at him and wanted to tell him, something stopped me.

He just stared at me and I immediately saw the coldness seeping back into his eyes. "See you tonight," he pulled his hand away from me and then fled the bathroom, leaving me completely confused.

"Me too, you idiot," I breathed softly and stood under the running water to finish my shower in complete confusion.

Did everything that was good have to be so complicated? Why couldn't I just say it back? I had alienated him right after this wonderful sex... how stupid was I?

I quickly turned off the water, got out of the shower and put on a towel to run to the front door.

"Kiyan," I called and he stopped in front of his car to turn around again with a questioning look at me. "I love you too," I then confessed my feelings to him and felt close to a heart attack, especially because Kiyan looked at me in shock and then to the right towards the street. I followed his gaze and looked straight into the eyes of my shocked looking father, who dropped the two coffee mugs he was holding and sent me into some kind of slow motion loop.

Kiyan quickly walked around his car, started the engine and drove away with squealing tires and I just thought TAKE ME WITH YOU! but I just stood there, frozen with the scarce towel, more ashamed than ever.

Very slowly, I took small steps backwards into the house, cursing myself for revealing myself like that here. Kiyan hadn't said anything back to me and my father would surely explode.

As soon as I felt myself escaping his stern gaze, I turned and rushed off to my room to quickly put on something. Black underwear, dark jeans and a heavy gray hoodie.

Shivering with excitement, I turned to the bed and saw the condom on the floor in front of it and the red stain on my white sheets. Oh my God!

My father's knock made me rush to the door and open it just a little to squeeze out of my room into the hallway and stand right in front of him.

"Well... that wasn't what it looked like," I stuttered, leaning my back against my closed door, instantly avoiding his gaze in embarrassment.

"Too bad," he just murmured and I immediately looked at him in confusion. "You looked happy with your words."

He smiled and hugged me tightly and I was completely surprised and taken aback by his easygoing reaction.

"I already knew he wasn't dating the other guy. While I'm shocked, I have faith that my girl is old enough to make her own decisions."

He whispered these overwhelming words in my ear and as I clung tighter to him, small tears of joy slowly ran down my face. Why couldn't Mama and Thomas stay away forever? My father showed me once again what the love and trust of a parent should feel like, and he didn't judge me one bit or immediately threaten therapy or anything.

"But I don't want to be a grandpa!" he said sternly and broke away from me to wipe my individual tears from my face, from which all color immediately drained.

Oh god, Kiyan hadn't used birth control in the shower, I only realized that now and I quickly turned past my father to walk in front of him into the kitchen.

"Don't worry. I'm old enough. I'll make us some new coffee first," I babbled nervously, then got two mugs out of the cupboard while he stood by the window and looked out at the sun.

"Is he good to you? Your mother said he's a useless idiot," I heard him behind me and rolled my eyes in annoyance just at the word mother.

"That's what Mama says about you too and it's anything but the truth," I turned around smiling with the coffee. He also turned back to me from the window and shook his head, laughing.

"Your mother doesn't seem to have a good knowledge of human nature," he joked, accepting the coffee.

"In the past. After all, she married you."

He nodded thoughtfully and took a sip of his coffee, then looked at the couch in confusion. I followed his gaze and then saw the case of Zayn's beer sitting by the chair, but before I could think of an excuse, my father put his free hand on my shoulder.

"What I don't know doesn't interest me and I don't want to know anything, but please take care of yourself," he asked me and pulled his hand back to take the last sips of his coffee. "I'll be by a little later tomorrow. It's about 4 p.m. Your mother doesn't come until the evening and I expect to find a clean house."

I nodded to him, put my empty cup next to his and gave him a quick hug before he left the house and I was finally alone to get rid of all traces of my depravity in my room.

Then, while I was pulling off my sheets and throwing the condom in the trash, I suddenly became panic-stricken about pregnancy and the more worried I got, the faster I cleaned my whole room until everything was shiny and I went to the kitchen to get on with it.