41

The house gleamed in every corner and I sat exhausted at the glass table and stuffed two sandwiches into myself, while my thoughts once again flowed in waves from one topic to another.

Not only was there more Chloe scratching my mind, but also the possibility of pregnancy... Why had he done that anyway? Did he think I would take the pill? You really couldn't expect that from a virgin...

"Fuck it," I exhaled, annoyed with myself, staring at the clock on the wall next to me.

5 p.m. already... the party was supposed to start at 9 p.m. and I was already fed up with all the hustle and bustle. I would rather be alone with Kiyan, ask him so many things, but of course fate didn't want me to get answers... fate wanted, for better or for worse, that I gave myself the edge and would forget all the questions.

I got up in frustration, shoved the plate and knife in the dishwasher, and then just stood there for a while, gazing at the front door while typical signs of my infatuation rattled through my head.

Where was he? what was he thinking Was he with her? When would he come? Did he like my I love you? Did he like the sex?

Maybe I should consider therapy after all. There wasn't anyone I could talk to about it either. Juline and I weren't friends anymore, Micah would weigh the issue down, and Zayn, well, he was kind of the wisdom guy, but talking to him about sex was just out of the question for me.

Just as I was about to go into my room, the doorbell rang and when I ran curiously to her to open it, a blond girl stood in front of me, whom I had never seen before.

"Hey," she said, then handed me a bag that could only have been bottles clinking. I looked her up and down in confusion. Her blond hair fell slightly wavy to her shoulders and her beautiful blue eyes really had something deep about them.

"Hi?" I asked rather than saying it and immediately she walked past me in her dark blue dress as if it was the most natural thing to do.

"So where do we start?" she then turned to me questioningly, while I was still staring at the bag in my hand, totally confused. I risked a quick peek inside and recognized the small Jagermeister bottles Zayn always carried. Putting one and one together, it had to be Mandy. He definitely had taste, but why was she here?

"Hmm?" She snapped me out of my thoughts and I closed the door, then set the bag down next to it and eyed it curiously.

"To start with what?" I then asked and she suddenly looked just as confused as I did.

"Um..." she stuttered, looking around the living room in embarrassment. "Zayn said you asked for help making the house party safe... wasn't that right?"

Oh man ... had he really lied to her when they met him? Damn Zayn!

She was still looking at me questioningly and I didn't want to spoil anything for him, after all he liked her, so I played along... for once...

"Oh yes," I smiled and slapped my forehead with theatrical performance. "I totally forgot about that, silly me," I grinned and her posture became more relaxed as a result.

Could someone please explain to me what party safe means? I should probably ban all fragile and expensive items from the living room and kitchen, right?

A bit irritated, I then walked past her into the bedroom to get three moving boxes out from under the bed. They were actually intended for my father, but since my mother didn't give him anything anyway, a travel bag was enough for him. This poor man... this destructive woman!

Back in the living room, I handed her one of the boxes and pointed over to the couch.

"Well, the two small lamps, the green bowl from the table and almost all the figures from the wall unit should go," I explained to her, looking at my mother's many small porcelain turtles. They were certainly worth more to her than me and I would have preferred to have left them, but that would only cause unnecessary trouble again.

"Ai ai Captain," Mandy said suddenly and I looked after her confused and immediately had to think of Cody. Did the two know each other? Didn't she also know how Zayn treated him? Or did she just not care?

I rolled my eyes and once again found myself in a situation I didn't want to be in. I didn't know her, she didn't know me and I didn't know if she knew Chloe or not because I didn't know anything and it really bothered me.

While I was packing the expensive coffee machine and the Thermomix, I couldn't resist starting a conversation with the unknown blonde.

"How do you actually know Zayn?" I asked, acting as uninterested as possible and when I looked over at her, she suddenly beamed to herself. My goodness, she seemed worse off than me with her penchant for obscure guys.

"From a party at this Micah's," she retorted, asking me the same question. "And you?"

Oh, I saw him pushing an innocent nerd around the garden... after that he drew a penis on the boy's face and called me a bitch at the next party....

It was, but I rewrote the story.

"From Kiyan," I smiled and immediately she came over to me and we cackled at the two men like two chickens.

Pretty, tattoos, beautiful eyes, absolutely hot....just a few descriptions we dropped during our conversation and on the subject of Chloe, I was glad that she made a face just as disgusted as me.

"She got all in on me and Zayn, said I wasn't good enough for him at the party and then went all in on him," she said, and I was really amazed at the number of men Chloe was dating adorned himself. "Do you think she's coming too?" she asked me and I shook my head.

"I don't think so. Besides, it's my party," I grinned, feeling like it could be a really relaxing evening, especially since Mandy seemed really nice.

But it wasn't supposed to be a quiet evening and if I had known beforehand what I would find out, I would never have agreed to the party.

"That should be enough," I said to Mandy, locking the bedroom door where we had stored all the items before walking back to the kitchen with her.

"Maybe we should put the drinks in the fridge," she suggested and took the bag that was still by the door to hand it to me in a friendly manner.

"Yeah, good idea," I retorted, sorting Zayn's potions into the fridge while Mandy sat down at the glass table. I also sat down opposite her and looked again at the clock, which showed 7 p.m. "It won't be long now."

We were silent for a short time, until I asked curiously. "Tell me, do you actually know Cody?"

She immediately smiled and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, from the comic book store. I worked there for a while," she explained, then gave me a questioning look. "How so?"

"You said ai ai Captain, I only knew that from him," I answered with a grin and I hoped that he would come today too. I missed his easygoing manner that always cheered me up.

"Oh yeah, I got that spell from him."

We smiled at each other and somehow I was really glad to meet her. She wasn't pushy at all, but really friendly and somehow heartwarming with her calm, loving charisma. Hopefully Zayn wouldn't screw this up...

"Where is your music system?" She then broke the silence and my smile immediately disappeared.

Fuck! I had no investment at all. What kind of party was that supposed to be?

"I have... "

I stopped in the middle of a sentence, got up and ran to my room, only to come back to the living room a short time later with my little clock radio. "That'll have to be enough," I grinned sheepishly and she got up to take a closer look at the small, old thing in my hands.

"I'll be fine," she laughed, and we plugged the clock radio into one of the sockets in the kitchen to see how loud the music could be turned up and thank God it really was enough.

We talked about school, about the fact that she also liked to draw, and then the doorbell rang. I opened it excitedly and Zayn entered with Adam and several bags of drinks.

I looked outside confused, but Kiyan wasn't with them. "Where's Kiyan?" I turned to Zayn and closed the door, but he ignored me and, being a gentleman, first greeted Mandy and started a conversation with her.

"Adam?" I then asked the blonde, who just unknowingly shrugged his shoulders.

"We thought he was here? Haven't seen him all day."

I just nodded and didn't show anything, but inside I was shaking with anger. After all, he had said he still had to go to Zayn, but apparently he never showed up. This stinging jealousy came over me again and frustrated by everything, I took the beer from Adam's hand and tipped half the can down on Ex.

"Take it easy," Zayn said, grinning stupidly at me. "The party hasn't even started."

I just gave him a glare and sat down on the dark couch with the beer can. Adam grabbed another drink and sat down next to me while Zayn and Mandy stayed in the kitchen and continued our lively conversation.

I watched Adam in silence, then realized that the can was shaking slightly in his hand, which made me even more anxious. It almost drove me insane and I quickly got up and once again didn't know what to do with myself.

"It's from smoking weed," Adam looked up at me, then turned his gaze back to his shaking hand.

"Then maybe you should stop," I snapped at him angrily and immediately felt really bad. I was in a bad mood because I hated being lied to, but that wasn't Adam's fault. "I didn't mean it like that," I mumbled apologetically and disappeared back into the kitchen to grab something harder from the fridge.

Jagermeister... bingo!

Mandy gave me a worried look and Zayn didn't seem to know what was going on either. How was I supposed to explain to them that I was so obsessed with one person that they had sole power to control my mood? That was hardly possible.

"I'll be right back," I tried to explain as friendly as possible and then ran into my room with the small bottle to close the door behind me.

I sat down on my desk chair, looked out the window and uncapped the small bottle, which I then took a few sips that tasted just plain disgusting. I had to put my hand over my mouth because I briefly felt like throwing up. I didn't remember it being that bad.

I started again, thinking that I'm sure it would taste better once the alcohol took effect.

Lost in thought, I continued to stare into nothing and tried to see myself clearly again, but I couldn't. So much had changed in a short time that I had lost myself. At least that's how it felt.

Who was I anyway?

I had no idea anymore because if someone had told me a few weeks ago that I was going to lose my best friend and my father, that I was throwing a party and that I was falling for a man who kept lying to me or kept me guessing, I would have I probably laughed and showed that person the bird.

In addition, I had slept with him without contraception and confessed my love to him... shouldn't one at least expect honesty?

I still have to go to Zayn, he said this sentence in the shower and yet he hadn't even been to him... But where then ?????

Angry at him and myself, I drank a few more sips, but not even the alcohol helped me, because the fact that Kiyan was the one who could decide whether I was in a good or bad mood showed me how lost I was under his spell.

A knock on the door made me quickly stop the bottle and, curiously, I turned in my chair towards her.

"Yes?"